After Birth (@AfterBirth) header
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After Birth

@AfterBirth

@TheOnion’s definitive guide to parenting. Avoid your children by reading about how to raise them.

Joined March 2015
  • Tweets74
  • Following43
  • Followers16.1K
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Report: U.S. Parents’ Top Concern Is Child Dying From Something They Could Be Blamed For onion.com/1YszjB6
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Here are some tips for discussing the often difficult topic of divorce with your child: onion.com/1SKkE4H
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Step 1: Prospective parents try and fail to produce children the way God intended. onion.com/1PuD16W
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How To Adopt A Child onion.com/1ZmSP0B
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Supportive Parents Encourage Child’s Interests In Anything Within 15-Minute Drive onion.com/1mQzJEx
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CON: Kids actually pretty awful to be around for more than a few minutes at a time onion.com/1n6dLNF
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PRO: Only way to prevent your children from being abducted, molested, and then murdered onion.com/1n6dH04
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CON: Much less cool than the phrase sounds onion.com/1n6dF8C
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PRO: Forgot how fun it is to build toothpick molecules onion.com/1n6dqKP
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The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting onion.com/1n6dnyv
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Here are the pros and cons of co-sleeping with your child: onion.com/1l7vrHp
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Here are some tips for having “the talk” with your kids: onion.com/1JXpRvE
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Childish 12-Year-Old Still Believes In Father onion.com/1jbeFql
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Demystify death by inviting your child to assist in the embalming process onion.com/1iiimd7
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Here are some ways new parents can prevent bad habits and maintain good health: onion.com/1J6SJHS
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Nation’s Pregnant Women Announce Discovery Of Comfortable Sitting Position onion.com/1hty5pn
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Single Woman With 3 Young Children Unaware She Subject Of 984 Judgments Today onion.com/1ISLa5Q
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Parents, Baby, Godmother All Uncomfortable With Arrangement
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After Birth retweeted
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The Onion
@TheOnion29 Jul 2015
Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids: onion.com/1SgGDAr
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Toddler Unsettled By Whatever Possessed Her To Bite Friend’s Face onion.com/1HB7IUr
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