<sarcastic, joke, maybe..> JOB OPENING NOBODY EXPECTS THE JOB OPENING. Role: Take some of my building and maintaining work, because if you ain't first, you're last, and I'm tired of being both. Looking for: Me. Also acceptable: a shrubbery, a man with a duck on his head, or anyone willing to look me dead in the eye and say "shake and bake" without breaking character. Also, Me, but younger, hungrier, and contractually obligated to laugh at my jokes. Cloning is on the table if anyone has a friend in biotech. Pay: With all due respect, almost none now, maybe when this blows up?. I pay in exposure, experience, and the warm feeling you get when the build finally goes green. If you require currency, we have a coconut you can bang together. Benefits: Learn things. Real things. The kind of things that make you go "well, that's not supposed to do that, is it." Hands on tech. You will touch the server. The server will touch you back. This is the circle of life. the GPUs prefer cool temps so dont touch them. Shape the future. The future is mostly on fire right now, so honestly any shape would be an improvement. Unlimited Monsters and bourbon, because I wanna go fast and I cannot do that sober and hydrated. Free access to an existential crisis, brought on weekly by the standup we don't have. Location: HackHaus. In person. No remote. Remote is a myth, like the Knights Who Say Ni, or a 40 hour week. Open desk: The Fantail Patio. The cigar patio. The bourbon lounge. The place where, at approximately 11pm last Tuesday, someone said "help me Jesus, help me Tom Cruise" out loud during a code review and we all just nodded. (we meaning me, myself and I) Humor: Dry. Sarcastic. Pythonesque. If I tell you production is down and you respond with "tis but a scratch," you are halfway through the interview. If you can deliver "this parrot is no more, it has ceased to be, it is an ex parrot" while pointing at a crashed Kubernetes pod, you are hired and also, frankly, a little scary. Disqualifiers: You think you're first. You don't know what to do with your hands. You enjoy meetings. You were expecting a Spanish Inquisition joke earlier and are now disappointed it was the opening line. Our chief weapon is surprise. Surprise and disappointment. Our two chief weapons are surprise, disappointment, and a ruthless commitment to the bit. How to apply: Pigeon, since the parrot is now an ex parrot?