I Schmidt, You Not

Blaming Elon Musk’s inauguration salute on autism sounds dumb, but it would explain why Nazis were so obsessed with trains.

If this new Superman movie isn’t good it’s gonna be an argument in favor of Gunn control.

So offensive

If I ugly cry at the end, it’s a Christmas movie. So yes, Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

Just got the cops called on me for saying, “Delay, deny, depose,” to a self-checkout machine.

So he was radicalized by a surfing injury?! Just got an idea for a sequel to Point Break…

McDonald’s snitched on the United Healthcare shooter because they too don’t think it’s wrong to profit off heart failure.

Found a pic of the clown who snitched

I think it’d be better for everyone involved if Andrew Schulz took a step back from playing F**k, Marry, Kill.

The worst part about the Hawk Tuah crypto scam is she could have made just as much money selling vials of her spit to those same dudes, and no one had to get ripped off.

You think it’s gross that Tom Brady kisses his son on the mouth? Well, Scott Stapp hugs his kids with arms wide open.

What if this entire time The Adjuster has been wearing an earpiece and is being fed instructions by the Impractical Jokers?

Critiquing any Nada Surf song besides their biggest hit is an unPopular opinion.

Step aside Sabrina, the only CARPENTER I’m taking my kids to see is Jesus.

I just think cancel culture should be governed on a state rather than federal level.

A lot of people are complaining about singing during movies, but I thought all the singing actually made Gladiator II a lot better.

Imagine how Anthony Jeselnik must feel when he sees a pregnant woman bring out a guitar.

Cyclopes got it tough, cuz they only get to masturbate half as much before they go blind.