I follow smart, funny people. Big plus to anyone with horror in their profile. I am liberal and #BLM .
NorCal
Joined October 2010
- Tweets153K
- Following5.3K
- Followers5.2K
- Likes32K
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Procrastinator implies the existence of an amateur crastinator.
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The really big ones are waaay too much for me to handle; the tiny ones are cute but, not my thing.
* Winks at cashier, pays for pumpkin.
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Time to unload the pennies and nickels. Happy Halloween from the bitch without candy.
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You know why almost all calendars show the phases of the moon?
Werewolves.
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Small dicks and USB cables always slipping out are the reason I have thrust issues.
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a giant perfectly crispy brown maple leaf fell off a tree directly into my hand today, like a circus clown handing a child a balloon. this month loves me.
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Iβm southern, but not, go on a canoe trip with Ned Beatty, southern.
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You've never seen real disappointment until you watch a vampire bite into his first blood orange.
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Iβm at that age where if I drop my phone under the driverβs seat, I briefly weigh whether I actually need a phone.
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Whoever said bad things come in threes, clearly couldn't count beyond three.
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I walked in on my sister-in-law wearing just her underwear. Now she's demanding to know how I got her underwear.
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can i come over and ask a bunch of questions i already know the answers to
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trying to play it cool but i already saved your bday in my phone and added your city to my weather app
