David Letterman

Donald Trump has said he will end the Green Card lottery. If only he could end the Presidential lottery he was lucky enough to win. #StateofOurUnion

Trump made me do it. #BadExcusesForDrinking

Out Tweet Trump #MyGoalsIn3Words

Planet Earth #YourFired #ElectionNight

Donald Trump is set to release the app - TrumpemonGo Using the phone camera you just roam around and throw TrumpBalls at things to fix them.

I like the night life Baby, She says Let's Go. #LateShow

Donald Trump has entered the - Why did #Sandy bend the crane debate? He would know. Only an expert could keep his bird's nest in place.

#DavidLetterman is going to retire in 2015. Politicians, Sports stars and anyone that has been on Reality TV are said to be VERY relieved.

#IDidntTextYouBackBecause I did not want the #NSA to read it.

Congress wants to retain the billions of texts&emails sent each year in order to fight crime. The war on 'Laughing Out Loud' is set to begin

People ask me what I'm going to call my autobiography? I tell them 'How to be a Late Show Host for Dummies' will be hitting the shelves soon