Courtney retweeted
As we remember those we lost on 9/11, we also remember the spirit of unity and togetherness that defined the weeks and months after. On this day of service, I’m reflecting on all those still working to embrace that spirit, today and every day. fox5ny.com/news/volunteers-m…
Courtney retweeted
so i have no proof to back this up but i’m pretty sure cowboy bees would say beehaw
Courtney retweeted
Fun prank: Substitute his condom with an invisibility cloak.
Whatever. Your tweets suck too.
Courtney retweeted
Soooo, Jon's entire storyline about his true identity didn't mean shit #GameOfThrones
Courtney retweeted
#gameofthrones fans last week after Rhaegal and Melisandre were killed: I hope Dany burns everything to the ground!
#GoT fans this week after she actually does burn everything to the ground:
Courtney retweeted
Teacher: Just a reminder, you’re signed up to be room mom this month.
Me: Right, of course!
[10 min later]
Me [texting husband]: Hey, before I forget, you’re signed up to be room mom this month.
Courtney retweeted
Sure, getting everyone out the door in the morning is hard, but the nice thing is, afterwards I have a long commute where I can just sort of sit quietly and reflect on what a monster I am.
Courtney retweeted
WIFE: I’m starting to think my husband has lied about his profession.
WIFES FRIEND: Why?
[I walk through the door and hang up my McDonald’s visor]
ME: Hey honey I’m back from the lawyer factory.
Courtney retweeted
[Tarot reading ends]
Reader: Remember, you’ve been warned!
Me: *looks up from phone* Oh maybe I should have been listening to that.
Courtney retweeted
i keep saying Alexa when I mean to say Siri and i just cant believe i live in a time where i am gettin my servant robots names mixed up
Courtney retweeted
Me as a kid:
I can’t wait to be an adult and stay up as late as I want!
Me as an adult:
Omg it’s 8:30. If I don’t go to bed soon I’m going to die.
