Do you know what is the worst part about being an egg? You get laid only once.

When you ask if there's more treats and they say no but you need to see their eyes to believe them.

When you said "dress for the job you want" but nobody specified which species.

Son: Dad, when you were young, like, I mean my age and younger.... did women really bring you water? Me: wait... whut the hell are you talking about? Son: well... Mom said every day you were outside all day you werent allowed to go inisde, and you got water from the hoes Me.... Me.... Me... H O S E son HOSE!

Gary has never understood the concept of focal length or personal space.

Wierd... How when it comes to Climate Change the Trump Cult claims they aren't scientists, but when it comes to Womens bodies, they are all Gynecologists

I live in a "swing state," the only place where any votes seem to count according to people who defend the electoral college. My daughter is a county clerk; she is in charge of handling elections for a large county in Michigan. The FBI came after they found three envelopes containign substances, when it was tested it was found to be fentanyl right now no one in her office is allowed to open any mail without gloves and a mask. They have armed security when they enter and leave the city building. Two years ago the FBI told everyone in their office to shut down all social media, change thier names on soial media and unfriend family and local friends, remove all references to family spouces and children Please don’t think we’ve got this under control. There is LITERALLY a war going on, quietly, waged by domestic terrorists, to take away your right to have your voice heard. This woman, who I can’t name because its likley to put the life if her and her loved ones in danger, does battle every single day protecting your right to have your vote counted! Don’t let her down.

Flint has a nonprofit makerspace where you can learn to weld, run a laser, Turn a bowl, or print a shirt for less than a gym membership. Tonight’s the one night a year they pass the hat. If you’ve got five bucks and a soft spot for places like this, here’s the door.

Make The Space is tonight, 5 to 8 at Factory Two, Flint’s community makerspace. Free, all ages, demos in every shop, food and drink. Can’t make it? You can still back the place: factorytwo.org/donate

Before you close out the day, tell me, what was the best thing that happened to you today? #BestThingOfTheDay

My favorite childhood memory was knowing nothing about Trump.

imagine being a republican right now LMAO so humiliating

Guys, my russian gf Natasha3428382 isn't messaging back I wonder if shes mad at me?

Someone called Ukraine’s Bombing of Russian Bot Farms “Operation: Quiet Piggy" now I cant unhear that