Personal trainer: how many squats do you do a week? Me: I dunno, about 150... Personal trainer: and remember, sitting down to pee doesn't count as a squat Me: zero squats a week.

GoaT FacE · Jul 25, 2025 · 12:42 PM UTC

GoaT FacE@EndhooS25 Jul 2025

#nufc Transfer window be like: teapawt.net/nexta_tv/status/194871…

NEXTA

@nexta_tv25 Jul 2025

😬 A guest on CNN tried to do a backflip — but seriously overestimated his abilities The hosts couldn’t hold back their laughter.

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GoaT FacE · Jun 9, 2016 · 3:31 PM UTC

GoaT FacE retweeted

GoaT FacE@EndhooS9 Jun 2016

Scout Master: [posthumously pinning a knot tying badge onto my dangling corpse] "That noose is flawless... congratulations buddy"

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GoaT FacE · Apr 29, 2025 · 1:27 PM UTC

GoaT FacE@EndhooS29 Apr 2025

Is this fight club? "No this is Updog club" Whats updog? "Nothing wh- *cough from back* "Sorry, I mean 1st rule of Updog club is we do not talk about Updog Club..."

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GoaT FacE · Apr 11, 2024 · 8:09 AM UTC

GoaT FacE retweeted

GoaT FacE@EndhooS11 Apr 2024

Me: everything ok? Doc: [checking my balls] you appear to have a hard pea sized lump in each testicle Me: oh shit Doc: [noticing a skittle inside his glove] but try not to worry about it

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GoaT FacE · Sep 1, 2017 · 6:19 AM UTC

GoaT FacE retweeted

GoaT FacE@EndhooS1 Sep 2017

J.K. Rowling's full name is Just Keep Rowling Rowling Rowling Rowling Keep Rowling Rowling Rowling Rowling

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GoaT FacE · Apr 10, 2025 · 1:19 PM UTC

GoaT FacE@EndhooS10 Apr 2025

I've been asking AI for it's thoughts on some new crisp flavours I've been thinking about:

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NUFCR · Mar 14, 2025 · 1:18 PM UTC

GoaT FacE retweeted

NUFCR@NUFCR214 Mar 2025

Credit to kh.media23 on tiktok GOOSEBUMPS 🥶 #NUFC

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GoaT FacE · Oct 2, 2013 · 8:12 AM UTC

GoaT FacE retweeted

GoaT FacE@EndhooS2 Oct 2013

"BRING ME THE FOETUS' OF 3 CHICKENS" *Maniacal stare* "Listen dude, its called an omelette,a 3 egg omelette" "AND THE BLOOD OF 4 ORANGES"

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GoaT FacE · Dec 22, 2014 · 12:15 PM UTC

GoaT FacE retweeted

GoaT FacE@EndhooS22 Dec 2014

The first time you shake hands with your girlfriend's dad.

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Mike & Vittorio’s Guide to Parenting · Nov 6, 2024 · 3:21 PM UTC

GoaT FacE retweeted

Mike & Vittorio’s Guide to Parenting@parentingboyz6 Nov 2024

This gets you elected these days

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GoaT FacE · Oct 31, 2014 · 10:31 AM UTC

GoaT FacE retweeted

GoaT FacE@EndhooS31 Oct 2014

Financial Status: Praying someone comes to my Halloween party as a mummy because I'm out of toilet paper.

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Anne Chovy · Oct 25, 2024 · 10:57 PM UTC

GoaT FacE retweeted

Anne Chovy

@AnneChovy225 Oct 2024

just learned about recency bias and its my favorite thing ever

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Jason, ex Inferis · Oct 21, 2024 · 1:01 PM UTC

GoaT FacE retweeted

Jason, ex Inferis@benedictsred21 Oct 2024

Having allergies is so embarrassing. Could I have some medicine? I’m being bullied by the air.

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brent · Oct 26, 2024 · 6:36 PM UTC

GoaT FacE retweeted

brent@murrman526 Oct 2024

[noticing the food the other guests brought to the party are halloween themed] this spinach artichoke dip is haunted

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cory · Oct 25, 2024 · 9:08 PM UTC

GoaT FacE retweeted

cory@coolmathgame_25 Oct 2024

[doctor hands my wife our newborn son] congratulations my wife: do u want to hold him me: yes [picking him up and gently cradling him until i start to cry] wow. he’s so precious doctor: put me down

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