Despite the fact that my Twitter feed often consists of taking shots at the appalling state of the world, I am not a morose or despairing person. I’m a joyous cynic and a gladsome naysayer.

Being “settled for” is only a negative thing if the person doing the settling has made no real peace with that. Otherwise, it’s what was formerly known as growing the hell up and realizing that you’ve been gifted some very good things in life, and constantly hankering after “more and better” is a miserable way to live, and cultivating what one HAS is actually pretty darn rewarding.

The habit of inviting the entire world to chime in on your every personal interaction to judge “who was right or wrong” is a destructive and nasty one that no civilized person should cultivate.

I rule nothing out entirely, especially if you include “has EVER existed.” 😄 History is long, and we know much much less about the dim past than we think we know.

I think there is a huge difference between the “MY birthday is a BIG DEAL” types, and the ones who just like to throw massive parties and their birthday is as good an excuse as any. Whole different vibe. 😄

I have told all the young people in my family that, when looking for a mate, the list of positives you desire is important, as is the list of dealbreakers. You know what’s just as important? And that few do? The list of flaws that, while they may not be pleasant, you could pretty much tolerate those with some grace. None of us are going to marry perfection, and EVERY partner will have flaws. No, I do not mean “other ppl view that as a flaw but it doesn’t bug me.” I mean real genuine things that WILL bug you. And yes, all men/women should work on those in a marriage. But it is wise to know yourself well enough to know what flaws would make you crazy miserable to the point of threatening the marriage, and which flaws you might bitch and moan and sigh about, but could pretty much suck up *even if that never changed*. And if you think you are going to have a long marriage without encountering “Ima just have to suck it up” you are living in fantasy land. Make your list of tolerable flaws. The stuff you maybe wouldn’t love, but with which you could probably deal without massive effort. It’s a great exercise in self-knowledge if nothing else. If you find yourself unable to name “things I’d not like at all, but up with which I could put” then you need to climb down off your high horse before you’re ready for marriage.