My wife said that her gynaecologist recognised her in Tesco today.
I told her she should wear longer skirts
Just sorted all the outdated sweets and stuff from the darkest places of my cupboards..............
We'll see who gets the trick or treat, when they've all got the shits!!
I am Duncan Smith retweeted
Replying to @IDS_not
RIP Sir Patrick Stewart , a man I admired as a very talented actor and an absolute gentleman. When you spoke i listened and you will be greatly missed.
Sleep well sir.
Star Trek and X-Men actor Sir Patrick Stewart has died at the age of 86
news.sky.com/story/star-trek…
BREAKING +++ Paul Gascoigne has been spotted at Manchester United carrington training complex with some fishing rods and a six pack .
More as the situation develops.
I once went to a fancy dress party in Birmingham where the theme was "spice".
I went as a chilli but everyone else was an astronaut.
Don't ever let 80s pop star Paul Young leave a hat at your house.
He'll try and claim your property.
The worst day ever today. I asked my joiner to build a double bed, but he's done a bunk bed instead…….
It's just one thing on top of another !!
My career as a karate instructor has ended.
The parents found out I was unqualified and I just enjoyed kicking children.
So, I went to the women’s prison today for a conjugal visit.
Apparently, you have to actually know someone.





