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Hot Tip: if your ocd is time management, do not be hungry and track your Uber Eats driver on the app.

Not tryna be a buzzkill, but my children’s kiddie pool water was refilled, cold, at 9am. By 5 pm it was too warm for them to use, with algae forming. Our mini science experiment should say a bit about how the ocean is handling this global warming biz. Not awesomely, friends.

Every time I dice a tomato it becomes glaringly apparent that I will never be an Iron Chef.

And there it is. The actual dream casting.

When you go into your junk mail to make sure you haven’t missed anything, and find out that you have 6 money orders from Princes, 7 brides-to-be from multiple nations, and 472 pills to help with your erection. Makes for a brighter day, really.

Out of nowhere, my partner just said, “I bet Oscar Wilde would have been great at Tweeting”. I’ve never felt more sure that I’m spending my life with the right person.

There will never be a time where someone says, “vast difference” and I don’t picture my grade 8 health class pic of vas deferens. #sexeducation

Your health is covered. Except for your eyeballs. Or your teeth. Or your mental health.

😂👏🏻

I’ve entered into a new phase of life. People online who look like middle-aged car salesmen and weekend golfers are who I went to school with, and i feel like I’m WAY younger until I look in a mirror or do a dance class.

Not all heroes do dishes when the baby does dishes.

My toxic trait. Using wrong language for the age I’m addressing. To an elderly gal at the community centre: “but for real , that snow storm was not the vibe” To my 15 yr old singing student: “ …but the original of that is worth it’s weight in gold, I’ll tell ya that for free”