RECIPE! “All the Orcas Are Dead Now, Thanks Conservatives” Stew (Serves every person currently posting that one election result is the ecological equivalent of a nuclear winter) Ingredients 1 adult male orca (~20–30 ft, 8,000–15,000+ lbs of pure “I eat seals for breakfast” energy). Cubed. You’ll need heavy machinery and a moral compass that has left the chat. 400 lbs onions (they’ll be crying anyway) 200 lbs carrots 150 lbs celery 50 gallons fish stock or straight-up ocean water (sourced from the same coast the NDP was single-handedly protecting until Saturday night) 20 lbs garlic Whatever wine is left after the victory party Salt, pepper, bay leaves, and the tears of people who think resource development automatically equals extinction Method Acquire the orca. Note: this is still very illegal and the Southern Residents have been struggling for years under multiple governments for reasons involving salmon, boat noise, and actual ecology, not because one provincial election flipped. For recipe purposes, pretend the orca volunteered out of pure spite for the hysterics. Brown the chunks in a pot the size of a backyard pool. Render some blubber first if you want enough oil to deep-fry the remaining common sense. Dump in the vegetables and garlic. Sauté until the neighborhood smells like overreaction. Add stock/wine. Simmer 4–6 hours until the meat falls apart and you’ve had enough time to explain that orcas are not, in fact, going to vanish because voters picked the party that wants fewer barriers to LNG. Serve in hubcap-sized bowls. Garnish with a printed screenshot of the election results. Serving suggestion: Pair with a firm “the whales were already stressed before the Conservatives won, dipshit” and a side of potatoes. Leftovers feed the entire group chat currently treating a provincial election like the end of marine mammals as we know them.

Like even know I am fucked in the head from multiple years of abusing crystal meth But these people are genuinely insane holy shit

Awh looks like fae there f'd around and found out himself and deleted his original threats. Good thing the Internet is forever