Informed Consent Matters (Miri AF)

A lot of the classical advice on how to become a mature, responsible adult still holds true, and it remains the minimum standard toward which every young man and woman should strive. But in the world we live in today, that is no longer sufficient to ensure success in relationships or even in one's career. What is missing today, and what previous generations enjoyed, is a strong social network. We used to have extensive networks of family, friends, and community members who gave us a competitive advantage in finding good-paying jobs and meeting potential spouses. These networks provided opportunities that would otherwise have been difficult to access. They also offered a degree of social vetting. When someone introduced you to a potential employer or marriage partner, their reputation stood behind that introduction. Nowadays, when people help their friends and relatives, we call it nepotism and discourage it. But only when white people do it. When other groups practice the same thing, we excuse it as part of their culture. Without the natural networks that previous generations relied upon, we are going to have to begin organizing ourselves into tribes and communities again. I am not entirely certain what that will look like. For some, it will mean establishing fraternities and sororities, not in the university sense, but in the older tradition of mutual aid societies. I expect to see families forming extended tribes, communities taking matchmaking seriously again, and successful businessmen using the connections they have developed to help younger men find good jobs and establish themselves. We are going to have to start putting our own people first again. That means helping those closest to us, those who share our values and commitments, and those who stand beside us. Sometimes that means helping a young man find employment. Sometimes it means introducing him to a suitable woman. Sometimes it means helping a married couple overcome difficulties so that their family remains intact. Of course, lasting success in adult life requires maturity. But maturity alone has never been enough. We have always depended upon one another, and the idea that an individual should succeed entirely through his own efforts, without the support of family, friends, and community, ignores how successful societies have always functioned. We need to recognize what we have lost and begin rebuilding those bonds. And we need to stop treating loyalty to our friends, families, and communities as something shameful. Helping the people who have earned our trust is a fundamental obligation of friendship and kinship. It is also how strong communities preserve their advantages across generations. We have always needed each other. It is time we started acting like it again.