I enjoy drinking wine in my king size bed while offering bad & often unadvisable advice.
East Coast
Joined August 2012
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Do you ever get in your pajamas, wash your face, then accidentally brush your teeth, totally forgetting you’re not done with your bedtime wine? I hate that.
When I was single, I’d get drunk and text ex-boyfriends. Now I just register my kids for summer camps. Most have a 7:30 am drop off time so the overall feeling is still regret.
One Classy Motha retweeted
This killing them with kindness is taking longer than I thought it would...
One Classy Motha retweeted
Friends: Get married. Have kids. Get a promotion. Travel the world.
Me: Still standing in the grocery store trying to get open a plastic produce bag.
One Classy Motha retweeted
Me: [print]
Printer: You're low on ink
Me: What? I just bought ink
P: You're low on magenta
Me: I want to print in black
P: You need magenta
Me: wtf I just need black & black is full
P: magennnnta
Me: [buys and installs $30 magenta cartridge]
Me: [print]
P: So, about your cyan
One Classy Motha retweeted
I pride myself on making good life choices, then picking a check out line brings me back to reality.
Doctor: Do you have a dry cough or a wet cough?
Me: I’ve carried & birthed 2 babies
Doctor:
Me: every cough is a wet cough.
This week we got new carpet, upholstered dining chairs, and a sectional couch.
So now my kids eat on a tarp in the bathroom.
Tomorrow, while your kid is holding a “First Day of Fourth Grade” sign, mine will have a “Fifteenth Outfit I’ve Tried On” angrily painted in red wine.
One Classy Motha retweeted
I react to seeing a pizza the way most women react when they see a baby. It makes me want another one of my own.
One Classy Motha retweeted
Hubs, “I can’t remember if I locked the door.”
Me, “But do you remember flirting with that waitress and tipping her 34 percent at Outback Steakhouse in 2012? Her name was Debbie.”
One Classy Motha retweeted
My wife and I have one of those couches that opens up, and then turns into my bed.
8yo - "My doll needs to go to the AG store to get her hair done."
Yeah, I go to the fucking Cut-N-Curl but let's take her to New York City
