I enjoy drinking wine in my king size bed while offering bad & often unadvisable advice.
East Coast
Joined August 2012
- Tweets4.7K
- Following3.1K
- Followers4.8K
- Likes2.4K
One Classy Motha retweeted
This killing them with kindness is taking longer than I thought it would...
One Classy Motha retweeted
Friends: Get married. Have kids. Get a promotion. Travel the world.
Me: Still standing in the grocery store trying to get open a plastic produce bag.
One Classy Motha retweeted
Me: [print]
Printer: You're low on ink
Me: What? I just bought ink
P: You're low on magenta
Me: I want to print in black
P: You need magenta
Me: wtf I just need black & black is full
P: magennnnta
Me: [buys and installs $30 magenta cartridge]
Me: [print]
P: So, about your cyan
One Classy Motha retweeted
I pride myself on making good life choices, then picking a check out line brings me back to reality.
One Classy Motha retweeted
I react to seeing a pizza the way most women react when they see a baby. It makes me want another one of my own.
One Classy Motha retweeted
Hubs, “I can’t remember if I locked the door.”
Me, “But do you remember flirting with that waitress and tipping her 34 percent at Outback Steakhouse in 2012? Her name was Debbie.”
One Classy Motha retweeted
My wife and I have one of those couches that opens up, and then turns into my bed.
One Classy Motha retweeted
My husband got me Alexa for Christmas, like I need another person in the house claiming they didn't hear me.
One Classy Motha retweeted
If my child ever asks me to cut the crusts off their sandwich, yeah I'll cut em off, but then imma hide em right in the fucking sandwich – at Manhattan, NY
One Classy Motha retweeted
I hugged someone else's mom at a park once and now mine won't pick me up bc I smell like other mom now
One Classy Motha retweeted
Funniest parenting tweets this week, feat.@BPMbadassmama @MothaKim @2questionable @chrissyteigan @parentapparent bit.ly/1VEkMlU
