There is such a law. The Corporate Affairs Commission is not supposed to register you if you have such words in your corporate name, but once you have American billionaire money behind you, nothing is sacred in Nigeria. If you have enough money, you can name your organisation "National Assembly of Nigeria" and CAC will register it.

"The presence of brown, runny human excreta with flies buzzing around it on the plate served to me by a restaurant raises serious questions about its presentation, hygiene and best practices. My jollof rice is at stake here!" Una still dey speak plenty grammar with people that are not speaking English with you. E say na "our democracy is at stake." Which yeye democracy do we have? Is our president democratically elected? Which election did he win? Whenever una tire for all this performance artistry sha.

If I were given the task by a foreign power to cripple a developing economy like Nigeria and reduce its 200 million people to a state of desolate, mindless nihilism, here's how I'd go about it. 1. Raise taxes indiscriminately and across board. Do so with zero consultation and make the announcement as abrupt as possible so as to magnify the shock value. 2. Institute multiple taxation and create entire new arms and functions of government centred around collecting new taxes and levies. Make this process as rapid and opaque as possible, and once again, ensure there is zero public consultation and maximum shock value. 3. Remove any subsidies on production (such as those on petrol and diesel, which power 87% of all production in Nigeria) and ensure that any consumer prices set by government (such as electricity tariffs) skyrocket. This ensures that producers not only raise prices but also pass the entire cost burden on to consumers instead of pushing back on the inflationary policies. Crippling consumer inflation ensues, followed by a debilitating cost of living crisis, the likes of which the country has never seen. 4. Make energy production and supply even more convoluted and mind-bending than they already are. Add new layers of corruption between producers and the energy they need. Insert my nephew's oil company into the nerve centre of national energy infrastructure and start a war against the country's only functioning refinery, which threatens to simply access to energy. Create a weird new national energy policy that avoids all the cheaply available energy reserves in Nigeria, and starts pushing weird stuff like "renewables" and CNG on an impoverished population whose cooking fuel is mostly still either kerosene or firewood. 5. Hire a central bank governor whose career at a certain international bank intersects very curiously with mine at a time when I was involved in illegal activity and laundering the proceeds through that bank. Naturally, he is 100% pliant and will do WHATEVER I want him to do without hesitation or pushback. And then... 6. Print money. Print it at a prodigious rate. Expand the money supply at a rate more than 3x that of what my predecessor did during the COVID years. Do all of this with zero parliamentary oversight, and spend money without any sort of appropriation or documentation. Literally print money out of thin air, purchase hard assets with it and watch the worthless fiat money disappear into the dark void of a 65% informal economy. Combined with devastating consumer inflation, an unprecedented cost of living crisis, crippling energy shortages caused by my new layers of corruption and weird energy policies, the national currency's value drops through the floor, falling 200% against the dollar in the 15 months I have had power. 7. Instead of working to build new regional export markets for my country's producers (which continue to function against all the odds), start throwing trade sanctions around ECOWAS and try to start a West African regional war on my country's northern border because France and America want me to. Where my predecessor attracted criticism for creating such close ties to our northern neighbour that he pushed for an economically unviable standard gauge rail line between both countries, I instead try to start a war with that neighbour and commit several violations of international law in the process - including possible war crimes. West Africa as a whole begins to pivot away from my country and my country's producers are left with zero export market and an impoverished local market that can't afford to buy anything. 8. PILE. ON. MORE. DEBT. Take on loans from EVERYWHERE AND EVERYONE. IMF, World Bank, African Development Bank, Zenith Bank, LAPO Microfinance Bank, pension funds, retail investors, osusu thrift credit society, EVERYTHING. If anyone questions it, throw bullshit statistics like "Low debt-to-GDP ratio" at them.

The thing about imperialism is that it is ubiquitous and impossible to avoid. Nigerians who think they can have intelligent discussions around politics, economics and business without acknowledging imperialism are just like a castrated man who wants to marry a wife and have kids, but doesn't want to acknowledge his condition. I'm sorry, but just because you're in denial, or the subject makes you uncomfortable, or you don't want to upset your white friends and investors by talking about it does not mean that this 800-foot elephant in the room is going to disappear. The imperial system you live under is why you eat imported rice and your bread is made with imported wheat, while your own agricultural land is used for industrial monoculture plantations growing export crops you can't eat like cocoa and cashew. Imperialism is why your kid goes to school wearing a neck tie, a wool sweater, a thick blazer and cotton socks while the temperature outside is 33⁰C. Imperialism is why you put on your TV news and the presenter is chewing her tongue desperately trying and failing to mimic the accent of a public school headteacher from Abingdon-on-Thames, whereas literally nobody in the history of her watching audience has ever sounded like that. Imperialism is why your central bank interest rate is always double digit, which means that consumer credit is literally nonexistent. No amount of roundtable sessions, seminars, and breakfast meetings with the bankers committee and PhD economists can change that basic eternal reality of your economy. Imperialism is why despite having double digit central bank lending rates, your currency somehow manages to always face inflationary pressure and regularly posts double digit percentage losses in a single day. You can do all the clever economic chart drawings and financial engineering you want, but they are completely useless in the face of imperialist decisions like Structural Adjustment Programs, which you experienced by other names from 1986 to 1988 and from 2023 to 2025. Imperialism is why you can have all your lovely ideas for leadership and governance, and a young population that is hungry for good leadership, but everytime you go into a "democratic election", you end up coming out with Muhammadu Buhari and Bola Tinubu. You can read all your "Why Nations Fail" and do all your "PVC sensitisation drives" and do all the "protect the votes" on election day, and at the end of all the wahala, the INEC chairman will announce that a crippled goat with craw-craw has won the election and if you don't like it you will go and meet Kekere-Ekun in court. Imperialism is why when you are having sex with your partner, you moan in English and make American noises even though you've never left Owerri before, and your sexual encounters always happen with a specific sequence that starts from oral and culminates in doggy - it's because all the porn you have ever watched in your life has been hosted and curated by American platforms, and you have over time taken on their sexual personality as your own. Imperialism is why you build with cement blocks plastered with concrete in your 34⁰C climate, even though concrete generates vast amounts of heat as it cures, and it can take years to fully cure, during which time it slowly cooks you in your own house - but rammed earth which your ancestors used is only just becoming a thing once again because white people have "discovered" it and put a brand on it that makes it desirable after they once labelled it as 'primitive'. I could go on and on. As long as you're determined to avoid confronting the ubiquitous and all-pervasive reality of imperialism in Nigeria, you're not really ready to confront whatever problem you are facing, from food to healthcare to education to public policy to poverty. If you're not acknowledging that underlying reality, you're just another Nigerian wasting their whole life performing the appearance of thinking, and creating useless content.