Chester Copperpot retweeted
*nervously twirling phone cord*
(blushing) Not much. Wondering how I still have a phone with a cord. How about you?
Chester Copperpot retweeted
Back in my day, a December to Remember involved arson at a nearby trailer park.
Chester Copperpot retweeted
Don’t feel bad if you don’t have any plans this weekend. Cats never have plans and they’re rock stars.
Chester Copperpot retweeted
WIFE: *whispering* I’m not wearing any panties..
ME: *whispering even softer* neither am I..
Chester Copperpot retweeted
If you thought your life sucked after I honked at you, wait till I throw up my arms in displeasure.
Chester Copperpot retweeted
WIFE: [trying on new spectacles] How do I look?
ME: Through the glass bit
Chester Copperpot retweeted
hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it's over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it
Chester Copperpot retweeted
Editor: You get those photos of Elliott Gould and Grover?
Photographer: Sure did boss, real fuckin sexy just like you asked.
Editor: what
Chester Copperpot retweeted
If you pay $5000 for Bruce Springsteen tickets someone needs to be handed power of attorney over your financial affairs because you are mentally incapacitated.
Chester Copperpot retweeted
I use a "retirement calculator" every morning before I leave for work to make sure I'm on track financially and I only have 1718 years to go












