Smith

How embarrassing #twitter #MyXAnniversary

I adore when men claim women need men more than men need women because of....and then list inventions that came during the industrial revolution. Cool, so, using this logic men prior to this time were also useless in your eyes?

Men: (said to women who they think fear being alone) You're gunna end up alone with a cat!!! Also men: I need to make sure I have another one lined up before I breakup with this one, but I'm not afraid of being alone

I haven't celebrated valentines day since 2007 when a dude made me and another girl the same "I choo choo chose you" card, and there was a picture of a train. I'm not kidding. Hand drawn. Twice. For 2 different girls. Nothing will ever beat that #whatsyourbestvalentinesdaystory

As if Pete Davidson's netflix spesh is the best I've seen in a long time. Thanks for bringing jokes back to comedy

Did anyone else have a crush on the Hamburglar as a kid that's now realizing a lot about themselves and their dating patterns as an adult?

Crimson and clover and Colby Smulders

I loath when people begin emails with "I hope this email finds you well" it did not...it found me poorly

George Clooney was like “naaah” before he was like “yaaaaasss” and I guess I’m just gunna hold out for that type of man

Bumble: you missed a potential match!!! Me: the fuck I did I meant my swipe

Remembering all the times my ex flipped on me over my mom (who lives with autism) would accidentally say “if you are both together that long” in conversation…..K BUT WAS SHE WRONG?

I was a main character in your story but for me, you were a bad season where the writers went on strike and the interns had to takeover and they had no clue what to do so they were like “I know, let’s make her fall in love with someone incredibly bad for her”

If you’re an unstoppable force and you meet an immovable object, walk the f*ck around it

Math is our universal language and love is our universal saviour

Gunna go for a showie 🚿 A Showie Mandel

When I women steps into her full power, either rise up or get out of her way. I guess I should thank you for getting the f*ck out of my way

Go for milk and disappear bro!

5 is the coolest age cause you can have a deep, meaningful, existential crisis type convo w/ them and then the next moment you are explaining left and right

Very few fruits...very much labor

Walking the streets of #Ldont, depressed; listening to The Tea Party and Radiohead, isn't even character development anymore. It's straight up a character trait.