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Joined November 2021
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renameTitle redd.it/1q7giqj
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World War World War 2 <— you are here World War 3 2 World 2 War World War: Tokyo Drift World and War World 7 War 8
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I am a Microsoft security architect. In 1994, researchers discovered RC4 was fundamentally broken. We made it the default cipher in Windows anyway. By 2000, every machine on Earth was running it. We called it "battle-tested." Technically true. It lost every battle. In 2013, more researchers confirmed it was still broken. We published a knowledge base article thanking them for their passion. In 2015, the entire industry formally deprecated it. We kept it enabled by default. Compatibility is more important than security. Security is just compatibility with not being hacked. Hospitals ran their patient records through it. Banks authenticated their transactions with it. Fortune 500 companies trusted their crown jewels to it. The Ascension breach happened. 5.6 million patient records. 140 hospitals offline. Ransomware walked through our cipher like it wasn't there. It basically wasn't. Senator Wyden called it "gross cybersecurity negligence." He demanded an FTC investigation. We released a statement thanking him for his continued partnership. After 26 years of careful consideration, we've made a decision. We're going to disable RC4 by default. In mid-2026. We're giving everyone 18 months notice. Because we believe in thoughtful transitions. We've been thoughtfully transitioning since the Clinton administration. Two Clintons could have run for president in the time we've been "evaluating options." Some things are just hard to kill off. Like a legacy cipher. Or institutional momentum. Or the phrase "we take security seriously." We do take it seriously. We just don't take it urgently. Urgency is for startups. We're a mature organization. We mature our vulnerabilities like fine wine. 26 years. That's not negligence. That's commitment.
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Years ago, an employee made an unusual request They asked for a "bonus" Basically, they wanted extra salary Why? "The company had a great year! I should be rewarded." I thought for a moment. Okay, fine. I paid him a bonus. The next year, the company was doing terribly. I went back to that employee and told him I was cancelling his last 3 paychecks of the year. He was shocked. But I explained that if he wanted a bonus when things went well, he should be paid less when the company does poorly. He was frustrated, but understood. His kids didn't have a Christmas that year, but everyone involved learned a valuable lesson about capitalism.
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Last week our CISO asked me to present on “zero trust architecture.” I don’t know what that means. I make $340,000 a year. I haven’t touched a firewall since Obama’s first term. But I have a CISSP. I passed by memorizing acronyms. I still don’t know what half of them stand for. I opened my presentation with “assume breach.” Everyone nodded gravely. I said “defense in depth” three times. The board was captivated. Then a junior analyst raised her hand. She asked how we’d implement microsegmentation. I felt a cold sweat. I said, “Great question. Let’s take that offline.” She persisted. I said we should “leverage AI-driven solutions.” She asked which ones. I said, “The cloud-native ones.” She looked confused. I told her confusion was natural. I said, “Security is a journey, not a destination.” The CEO started clapping. I don’t know why. But others joined in. The analyst stopped asking questions. I ended with “security is everyone’s responsibility.” This meant it was no one’s responsibility. Especially not mine. We got breached two weeks later. I blamed the analyst for “creating a culture of doubt.” She got put on a PIP. I got promoted to VP. Resilience isn’t about preventing failure. It’s about surviving it. Preferably while others don’t.
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Your Kubernetes cluster has: - 47 namespaces - 12 broken monitoring sidecars - 3 people who understand the networking - 0 documentation - A $18K/month AWS bill Your monolith on a VM has: - 1 server - 1 person who can deploy - Actual documentation - A $140/month bill - 99.9% uptime But sure, K8s is "simpler" and "more reliable." Keep telling yourself that at 3 AM when nobody knows which pod is failing.
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Created this for a talk and it’s too good not to share… incident response and M365 is painful.
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When they’re preaching about defending women but they’re on their 4th fake account to message me with weird shit.
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If someone is really going to go through the effort of making multiple accounts to try and fool me into thinking they’re not the same person who has been doing this for over a year now, I’d think that they would be better at hiding how obvious it is that it’s them by this point.
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The full Georgian Bay will be available to watch this weekend only in Discord! We're also giving away 2 of the new vinyl today and Sunday 🙏 discord.com/invite/s5FQkxJ6K…
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Hey it’s Fuck Off Friday! Here’s your weekly list of incel squirrel fuckers to BLOCK for better mental health: @/jonathandata1 @/cathatethical @/CUNT_THULU @/shamash_knows @/BrotherAlameen1 @/BowTiedCyber @/themiladgroup @/StopRusTrolls @/adanielhill @/joecattt
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We're hosting some contests this weekend to giveaway 2 of the new Georgian Bay vinyl! They'll be at the following times in Discord: Friday at 8 PM ET Sunday at 1 PM ET discord.com/invite/s5FQkxJ6K…
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BREAKING: There is a good chance that Twitter could be rebranded to just "X" today. Twitter X will do away with all of the birds and replace it with the lonely letter X. This is just ridiculous! Anyone who tries to defend Elon Musk over this move is either brainwashed or completely insane. We've seen Elon fail at this type of branding once with one of his children. Who names a kid X Æ A-12 Musk? Now he's going to do it to Twitter! This is the most anti-birdite logic I've ever seen. If anyone claims that Elon Musk isn't a raging anti-birdite after this outrageous move, then you are likely living on Mars. Twitter has become a word that many people have fallen in love with. It reminds them of their first viral post, or their first truly funny meme, or the amazing feeling of getting that first like on a post. Now Musk, of all people, thinks he has some god-given right to essentially murder that bird that lives in everyone's memories. I'll say it now. Renaming Twitter to "X" will single-handedly kill Twitter. Quite literally.
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