Peter Garland

I'm not 67 YET but getting closer, but ALL of this is true! I need to make a very PUBLIC announcement on behalf of those of us who are 60-something. If you see a 67-year-old who seems a little boring now, understand something… WE ALREADY GOT IT IN. Like…GOT. IT. IN. 😂 We’re not sitting home on Friday night because we never knew how to have fun. We’re sitting home because WE’VE HAD ENOUGH FUN FOR THREE LIFETIMES. We went to parties in farmhouses, machine sheds, gravel pits and cornfields. Nobody sent a location because THERE WERE NO CELL PHONES. Somebody just said, “There’s a party out at Johnson’s.” Which Johnson? Nobody knew. But somehow 75 people found it. We cruised Main Street for hours with absolutely nowhere to go. Gas was cheap, the music was loud, and somehow 11 people fit into a car made for five. We drank Boone’s Farm, cheap beer and mysterious concoctions somebody handed us in a plastic cup. Nobody asked what was in it. You drank it and trusted the process. We closed down the bar and instead of doing the responsible thing and GOING HOME… somebody would yell: “RED ROOSTER!” Or… “LET’S GO TO THE BOONDOCKS!” And suddenly at 2:30 in the morning, the whole crew was sitting around a table eating eggs, hash browns and greasy breakfast food like we’d just finished a hard day’s work. Then somebody would say: “Well…might as well stay up now.” 😂😂 There was no Uber. No GPS. No Life360. No Find My Friends. There was just somebody saying: “Follow me. I know a shortcut.” And for reasons nobody can explain… WE FOLLOWED HIM. We made entire weekend plans without sending ONE text message. “Meet me there around 8.” That was the plan. And somehow everybody showed up. We did stupid things. We did REALLY stupid things. And the greatest gift our generation ever received was: THERE WERE NO CAMERA PHONES. There are events from approximately 1975 through 1985 that exist only in the memories of the people who were there. AND THAT’S EXACTLY WHERE THEY NEED TO STAY. So yes… Now we’re 67. We like our recliners. We like comfortable shoes. We like restaurants at 5:00. We like being home by 8:00. And if somebody calls at 9:30 and asks: “What are you doing?” The answer is: “Why the hell are you calling me this late?” 😂 We’re not boring. WE’RE RETIRED FROM ACTIVE DUTY. We’ve already closed the bars, stayed out until sunrise, made questionable decisions and somehow lived to tell about it. So when younger people see us peacefully sitting at home and think: “Man, you guys are boring.” Sweetheart… YOU’RE NOT LOOKING AT BORING OLD PEOPLE. YOU’RE LOOKING AT RETIRED LEGENDS. And thank God there isn’t much photographic evidence.