Is there a Mr. Gump, Misses Gump?
Joined April 2021
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- Following420
- Followers416
- Likes1.4K
Kids’ fall break kicked off at noon, it’s a rainy Goonies day at the office for this Pre-K dude. He couldn’t believe it when I told him Fratelli is Italian for brothers 🤣
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I have explicitly told my wife there are to be no more cups purchased or brought home to our house. Lo and behold, a brand new literal Stanley fucking Cup in all its 742oz glory sitting on the island today. Somebody sleeping on the couch tonight.
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Lost my best friend on 1/16/2022. He was a lifelong outdoorsman and worked at @SportsmansWH throughout college. I was fortunate his mother let us close friends inherit most of his personal property when he passed.Pocket knives, gear, clothes. Treasure bringing it with me 😢🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
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Tom Slick retweeted
Funny ways to say you gotta poop
"That fart is pulling a trailer"
"I got an 8 inch grip on a 9 inch turd"
"I think I'm running out of farts"
While sitting on the toilet, just yell out, "I'm crowning"
"Unburdening myself from what has been"
"I am dilated to a 10"
"Dammit, lunch is pushing out breakfast"
"Gonna make some stink pickles"
"Hey, @Diane94338153 I am gonna go cook up some stenchiladas"
"I'm bingo stamping my shorts, bro"
"Download a brownload"
"I am uneating"
"I have a task I cannot delegate'
"My fart fell out"
"My food lease is up"
"I am currently negotiating the release of a chocolate hostage"
"My next fart has a companion"
"I have to go sit down somewhere else"
@atherton_chris Does Energynet prepare assignments or purely the sellers? Every assignment with shitty drafting for this DOTO has an Energynet return stamp 🤪
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Low testosterone is an epidemic. Case in point
Wife: Honey, there’s a critter in the bathroom upstairs, it’s making noise
Man of House: Sit tight dear, I’m going to call for help from law enforcement, take my phone and get some good pics so I can post about this on LinkedIn
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Tom Slick retweeted
People keep asking if I'm back and I haven't really had an answer, but yeah, I'm thinking I'm fucking back, bitches. landmanlife.com/landman-day-…
Qualifications: -Ability to respond to lease offers (sometimes) with a 7-10 page preferred lease form.
-After nobody takes our lease form, respond to >50% of pooling orders with elections
-Talk to rich family bros about moving their parents portfolio to BofA trust department
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Truly can’t wait to see this Jimmy Stewart biopic 🙌🏻youtu.be/EURriesRel0?is=epRQ… via @YouTube
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