Comîcs of Twîtter (@TweetComedians) header
Comîcs of Twîtter (@TweetComedians) profile picture

Comîcs of Twîtter

@TweetComedians

We write tweets. We tell jokes. We like to party. As seen in Las Vegas, New Orleans, New York, Toronto... they all have delicious food.

 North America
tweetcomedians.com
Joined February 2014
  • Tweets316
  • Following987
  • Followers926
24Media
Photo by Comîcs of Twîtter (@TweetComedians)Photo by Comîcs of Twîtter (@TweetComedians)Photo by Comîcs of Twîtter (@TweetComedians)Photo by Comîcs of Twîtter (@TweetComedians)Photo by Comîcs of Twîtter (@TweetComedians)Photo by Comîcs of Twîtter (@TweetComedians)Photo by Comîcs of Twîtter (@TweetComedians)Photo by Comîcs of Twîtter (@TweetComedians)Photo by Comîcs of Twîtter (@TweetComedians)
Comîcs of Twîtter retweeted
rob elliott (@rockymomax) profile picture
rob elliott@rockymomax13 Jan 2018
ME: (doing stand up) GUY IN CROWD: BOOOO *throws a tomato* GUY 2: BOOOOO *throws a tomato* GUY 3: BOOOOO *throws a tomato* GUY 4: what the- GUY 5: he’s just eating those like Pac-Man
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I have a milestone high school reunion this year. So if anyone wants to pretend to be my boyfriend there's a cheese platter in it for you.
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Comîcs of Twîtter retweeted
Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) profile picture
Josh Gondelman@joshgondelman1 Feb 2017
New acronym we need: IDOCHBEI "I'm doing okay considering how bad everything is." Pronounced: "ih-DOCK-bay"
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Comîcs of Twîtter retweeted
Disdain (@IsaacDisdain) profile picture
Disdain@IsaacDisdain26 Jan 2017
A sexual predator's opinion on abortion is about as relevant as Stephen Hawking's speed walking tips.
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Comîcs of Twîtter retweeted
Valerie Tosi (@valerie_tosi) profile picture
Valerie Tosi@valerie_tosi1 Feb 2017
I scheduled my annual Pap smear for Valentine's Day just to guarentee a man touches me down there.
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Comîcs of Twîtter retweeted
Glepgard NacDaegle (@theDnadRellwer) profile picture
Glepgard NacDaegle@theDnadRellwer29 Nov 2016
Armed with only Kanye shades, 4 beers and a sweet pair of camouflage cargo shorts, he took that town carnival by the balls that night.
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Comîcs of Twîtter retweeted
karl hess (@karlhess) profile picture
karl hess@karlhess14 Jan 2017
Hey you know what snowflakes do when there's enough of them? fucking bury shit.
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Comîcs of Twîtter retweeted
Glepgard NacDaegle (@theDnadRellwer) profile picture
Glepgard NacDaegle@theDnadRellwer6 Jan 2017
"I have oyster farts", he flirted.
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Comîcs of Twîtter retweeted
Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) profile picture
Randi Lawson@RandiLawson29 Dec 2016
Our I.T. guy shaved his creepy 70's middle school mustache, so around the office it feels like another celebrity lost in 2016
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Ever since I put "Please have a job and a car" in my Tinder profile, it's been a dry, dry spell for this guy.
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Comîcs of Twîtter retweeted
Joses (@JosesLovesYou) profile picture
Joses@JosesLovesYou4 Jun 2016
Famous people are dying so often these days it's almost as if death is a natural process that happens to 150,000 people everyday.
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Comîcs of Twîtter retweeted
Joses (@JosesLovesYou) profile picture
Joses@JosesLovesYou18 Jun 2016
Donald Trump is just doing all this because his real dream is to have his face on money.
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A couple's therapist but for me and my cat. To discuss that it hurts my feelings when she uses my belly like a beanbag chair.
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Comîcs of Twîtter retweeted
Jacob Givens (@jacobgivens) profile picture
Jacob Givens@jacobgivens8 Nov 2016
I forgot how heated things got back in 2004 on MySpace.
Image from Jacob Givens (@jacobgivens)
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Comîcs of Twîtter retweeted
Chill E Dog (@armstrew) profile picture
Chill E Dog@armstrew17 Nov 2016
Why am I helping you become famous, said my girlfriend, as she helped increase my Instagram following from 12 to 14
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Twitter: your jokes suck Instagram: your face sucks Snapchat: your life sucks Facebook: your family misses you and is also racist
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When your jokes do well all week and you hit one mic and they bomb it's almost like comedians don't actually like comedy at all weird huh – at Los Angeles, CA
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Look, if you like @kDuncanG then open this search and click on his IMDb page He's a lady. google.com/search?q=kyle+dun…
Image from RockNRoll Chēzburger (@RRCheeseBurger)
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Open mics are like soup kitchens except you have to watch everyone eat their soup – at Los Angeles, CA
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