one time i was hooking up w a guy in my bed and he was like what is this and pulled out a tiny blond wig from under him and i had to tell him it was a wig for my cat who i dressed up as rosemary from rosemary’s baby for halloween

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mira ⚢ · Oct 30, 2026 · 7:39 PM UTC

aster retweeted

mira ⚢@jixuisOct 30

*tickling your vagina* coochie coochie coochie

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my plug says he loves me · Oct 29, 2026 · 1:27 AM UTC

aster retweeted

my plug says he loves me@2femcel2furiousOct 29

watching gay porn on my pip boy while the wife grills up some mole rat

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bear · Oct 29, 2026 · 2:55 PM UTC

aster retweeted

bear

@bearbubbOct 29

#5littlemonkeystwt

blondead / / evergreen@niyatweetOct 28

I FELL OFF MY BED AND HIT MY HEAD REALLY HARD😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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Kev 🍋 K0rra is innocent · Oct 29, 2026 · 3:44 PM UTC

aster retweeted

Kev 🍋 K0rra is innocent@GoodshowfishingOct 29

but I have a bush so I quickly realized this wasn’t true

giovanna plowman@skankierdoodleOct 29

AMC IN ALPHARETTA, GEORGIA. I was using the bathroom and I glanced over and I saw a vagina as I went to grab toilet paper. I thought it maybe was a mirror at first, but I have a bush so I quickly realized this wasn’t true. I took a picture after she left the stall

Image from giovanna plowman (@skankierdoodle)

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bailey · Oct 29, 2026 · 12:08 AM UTC

aster retweeted

bailey@Baileymoon15Oct 29

i was laughing at this all day but then i clicked this guy’s page and it turns out he’s just some dude who wants to fuck cars and airplanes

Xmunnit@XmynnitOct 27

Hmm Car dih👀

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John Lion · Oct 27, 2026 · 2:35 AM UTC

aster retweeted

John Lion@1OOOOOOOOOlionsOct 27

tore up my butt pooping

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jesse:) · Oct 27, 2026 · 4:42 AM UTC

aster retweeted

jesse:)@essej_rehceebOct 27

funniest thing she possibly could have said immediately after it exploded

ABC 7 Chicago

@ABC7ChicagoOct 26

A brand-new employee made a smashing start to her career at a Texas salon, as the glass sliding door she was closing exploded into hundreds of tiny pieces, leaving her client and other employees stunned.