Courtney Craft (@csquaredoh) header
Courtney Craft (@csquaredoh) profile picture

Courtney Craft

@csquaredoh

If I accidentally bump into you, I will say "Ope sorry. Ope excuse me." Furthermore, you will have pop in my home. Not soda.

 Columbus, Ohio
Joined April 2016
  • Tweets810
  • Following612
  • Followers365
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Photo by Courtney Craft (@csquaredoh)Photo by Courtney Craft (@csquaredoh)Photo by Courtney Craft (@csquaredoh)Photo by Courtney Craft (@csquaredoh)Photo by Courtney Craft (@csquaredoh)Photo by Courtney Craft (@csquaredoh)Photo by Courtney Craft (@csquaredoh)Photo by Courtney Craft (@csquaredoh)Photo by Courtney Craft (@csquaredoh)Photo by Courtney Craft (@csquaredoh)
A little bit of neurotoxin; brain restart A little bit of cardiotoxin; breaks my heart Four known species of snake arboreal Aggressive and territorial But ha ha ha look what's biting my leg, it's Mamba number 5
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Terry Bradshaw is short for Pterodactyl Bradshawshankredemption
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Courtney Craft retweeted
Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) profile picture
Andy H.@AndyAsAdjective13 Feb 2018
ME: and what are we going to do next time? 7YR OLD: you’re going to let me know in advance before you shave your beard M: and for you? 7: I’m not going to scream “STRANGER! DANGER!” or call 911
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eEric (@ericsshadow) profile picture
eEric@ericsshadow12 Feb 2018
me [first date]: let’s take things slow me [second date]: when we die we should get buried in the same coffin
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Tony (@tsm560) profile picture
Tony@tsm56010 Dec 2017
Do people who still say it’s all good know that it’s really not?
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Welcome to Twitter if you are not already following a mom who drinks wine one will be assigned to you
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UncleDave (@DaveJPrimo) profile picture
UncleDave@DaveJPrimo8 Feb 2018
When people post a picture of "Their new member of the family" dog, Then post that they "Have to get rid of it", but 6 months later post pictures of their New dog, You're a piece of shit. – at St Paul, MN
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1985: Take a picture. It'll last longer. 2017: Delete that.
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Mowgli (@Holy_Mowgli) profile picture
Mowgli@Holy_Mowgli6 Feb 2018
older person: so what do you do for a living millennial: well umm actually i'm between avocados at the moment
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I used the word "gumption" and a cardigan with Werther's in the pockets appeared out of nowhere.
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gⓗⓓ (@GingerHotDish) profile picture
gⓗⓓ@GingerHotDish24 Oct 2017
Do you think Eddie Vedder ever found that muah gwarel shaub or whatever the fuck he was singing about?
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Scruffy (@UnimpressedWU) profile picture
Scruffy@UnimpressedWU4 Oct 2017
*Dies in a car accident trying to figure out how voice to text works
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Sophie2078 (@Sophie2078) profile picture
Sophie2078
@Sophie20783 Oct 2017
Friend: Are you ok? Me: Yes. F: Are you sure? Me: Yes. F: Are you lying? Me: Yes.
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Jon (@ArfMeasures) profile picture
Jon@ArfMeasures16 Sep 2017
"..if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you" [Long pause] PRIEST [to me] now you say your vows back to her
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This is the most horrific episode of The Apprentice ever.
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Serg (@bonehugsnirony) profile picture
Serg@bonehugsnirony24 Jul 2017
Being an adult is weird it's like "hey 100s of inconsequential decisions made me who I am today do you like me?"
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You say tomato, I say hey did you know tomato is actually a fruit? I'm exhausting to be around.
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♥mark magark♥ (@markedly) profile picture
♥mark magark♥@markedly20 Jul 2017
Kids: [screaming recreationally]
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david (@_elvishpresley_) profile picture
david@_elvishpresley_13 Jul 2017
🎶 You're the best! 🎶 Karate Kid: Wow! Of anyone ever?! 🎶 Around! 🎶 Karate Kid: oh
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Floyd (@dafloydsta) profile picture
Floyd@dafloydsta10 Jul 2017
YOU, dumb and naive: I'm going to make a difference. ME, intellectual with street smarts: I'm going to stay in bed all day.
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