@el-tool retweeted
Christina's 18-year-old son got a hickey from his girlfriend, and now he's destined for a life of trashy sexual immorality and sin.
Unfortunately, that life will also be tragically short because of Hickey Cancer.
#ChristianParenting #TradWife
@el-tool retweeted
Mandela Effect believers are convinced that they died sometime around 2012 and were transported into this reality, which is exactly the same as their old reality except in this one, we know how to spell.
@el-tool retweeted
She knew he was older. She knew he had a past. But nothing prepared her for their wedding night, when he removed his dentures, poured another whiskey and asked if she'd seen his smokes.
Brigadier One Star Books | 35¢
#BrigadierGeneral #VintagePaperbacks
@el-tool retweeted
"Hi. I'm Cole. F*ck You. I hate F*cking everything and everybody. Including my friends. F*ck them. F*ck you. This is me without a shirt. F*ck shirts. This is me and Chris Sky. F*ck Chris Sky. Wait. Don't. I'm confused. F*ck confusion. Wait, wasn't he Chinese? F*CK!
@el-tool retweeted
Who wants to see a demonstration of latex piss socks?
From the AVK Archive
#PissDrinkers #UrineTherapy #Ewww #Pseudoscience
@el-tool retweeted
Congratulations to Attractive Female Cashier on being named Employee of the Month after crashing while possibly attempting to get gas last week. She was forced to take a sobriety test, which she shockingly passed.
AFC is now the only employee on our staff to ever pass any form of impairment test while on the clock, easily earning her EOTM. She was released with no charges after convincing the officer she swerved to avoid hitting the air freshener hanging from her mirror.
I would go just to see this guy. – at Whitehaven, England
C I T I Z E N S O F T H E U N I T E D K I N G D O M :
In 2025, Download Festival hosted the first PRESIDENT Rally.
In 2027, the Campaign returns to where it all began.
The ground is familiar. The movement has grown.
DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL 2027
DONINGTON PARK, DERBY
9–13 JUNE 2027
PAYPAL PRESALE: Thursday 12 November, 9PM GMT
GENERAL ONSALE: Sunday 15 November, 10AM GMT
Payment plans available at checkout.
downloadfestival.co.uk/ticke…
#DLXXIV
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@el-tool retweeted
C I T I Z E N S O F T H E U N I T E D K I N G D O M :
In 2025, Download Festival hosted the first PRESIDENT Rally.
In 2027, the Campaign returns to where it all began.
The ground is familiar. The movement has grown.
DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL 2027
DONINGTON PARK, DERBY
9–13 JUNE 2027
PAYPAL PRESALE: Thursday 12 November, 9PM GMT
GENERAL ONSALE: Sunday 15 November, 10AM GMT
Payment plans available at checkout.
downloadfestival.co.uk/ticke…
#DLXXIV
@el-tool retweeted
THEM®: Brilliant enough to create microchips small enough to fit through a needle and rewrite a person's entire DNA in nanoseconds, yet too dumb to build a lightweight, folding dune buggy.
#AntiVax #Antivaxxer #Unvaccinated
@el-tool retweeted
Everyone check your bingo cards. Who had "MAGA witches casting spells on Democrats who won in the midterms?"
Be honest now... NONE OF YOU! NONE OF YOU HAD THIS!
@el-tool retweeted
Such a little comment but just jammed packed with batshit.
From the AVK Archive
#ConspiracyTheory
@el-tool retweeted
ATTENTION ALL PATRIOTS!
The 3rd Armoured Mobility Scooter Brigade of the Provisional Republic of Alberta is ordered to muster at the Red Deer Denny's immediately following the Early Bird Dinner Special.
Be prepared for WAR (and separate cheques).
It was like this on nordrassil during w.o.t.l.k. good times in winter grasp. – at Whitehaven, England
Horde reportedly outnumbered Alliance 60:40 on WoW Forever PvP realms, with Alliance quitting en masse… now Blizzard is changing character creation to push for a true 50/50 split. 📊 icy-veins.com/wow-forever/ne… #warcraft #WoWForever
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