@el-tool retweeted
Christina's 18-year-old son got a hickey from his girlfriend, and now he's destined for a life of trashy sexual immorality and sin.
Unfortunately, that life will also be tragically short because of Hickey Cancer.
#ChristianParenting #TradWife
@el-tool retweeted
Mandela Effect believers are convinced that they died sometime around 2012 and were transported into this reality, which is exactly the same as their old reality except in this one, we know how to spell.
@el-tool retweeted
She knew he was older. She knew he had a past. But nothing prepared her for their wedding night, when he removed his dentures, poured another whiskey and asked if she'd seen his smokes.
Brigadier One Star Books | 35¢
#BrigadierGeneral #VintagePaperbacks
@el-tool retweeted
"Hi. I'm Cole. F*ck You. I hate F*cking everything and everybody. Including my friends. F*ck them. F*ck you. This is me without a shirt. F*ck shirts. This is me and Chris Sky. F*ck Chris Sky. Wait. Don't. I'm confused. F*ck confusion. Wait, wasn't he Chinese? F*CK!
@el-tool retweeted
Who wants to see a demonstration of latex piss socks?
From the AVK Archive
#PissDrinkers #UrineTherapy #Ewww #Pseudoscience
@el-tool retweeted
Congratulations to Attractive Female Cashier on being named Employee of the Month after crashing while possibly attempting to get gas last week. She was forced to take a sobriety test, which she shockingly passed.
AFC is now the only employee on our staff to ever pass any form of impairment test while on the clock, easily earning her EOTM. She was released with no charges after convincing the officer she swerved to avoid hitting the air freshener hanging from her mirror.
@el-tool retweeted
C I T I Z E N S O F T H E U N I T E D K I N G D O M :
In 2025, Download Festival hosted the first PRESIDENT Rally.
In 2027, the Campaign returns to where it all began.
The ground is familiar. The movement has grown.
DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL 2027
DONINGTON PARK, DERBY
9–13 JUNE 2027
PAYPAL PRESALE: Thursday 12 November, 9PM GMT
GENERAL ONSALE: Sunday 15 November, 10AM GMT
Payment plans available at checkout.
downloadfestival.co.uk/ticke…
#DLXXIV
@el-tool retweeted
THEM®: Brilliant enough to create microchips small enough to fit through a needle and rewrite a person's entire DNA in nanoseconds, yet too dumb to build a lightweight, folding dune buggy.
#AntiVax #Antivaxxer #Unvaccinated
@el-tool retweeted
Everyone check your bingo cards. Who had "MAGA witches casting spells on Democrats who won in the midterms?"
Be honest now... NONE OF YOU! NONE OF YOU HAD THIS!
@el-tool retweeted
Such a little comment but just jammed packed with batshit.
From the AVK Archive
#ConspiracyTheory
@el-tool retweeted
ATTENTION ALL PATRIOTS!
The 3rd Armoured Mobility Scooter Brigade of the Provisional Republic of Alberta is ordered to muster at the Red Deer Denny's immediately following the Early Bird Dinner Special.
Be prepared for WAR (and separate cheques).
@el-tool retweeted
Flat Earthers are now investigating the Florida plane crash and have narrowed it down to a missile, a drone, a government assassination, a Hollywood production or a plane full of people who aren't actually dead.
#FlatEarth #Flerf
@el-tool retweeted
Full story in Sunday's Sunday Sport
‘Shoppers clearly took notice of the ‘Be Ready’ campaign, but this wasn’t panic buying, with less than a third of households buying bottled water in October. Growth came from more people adding the recommended items on the Government’s checklist to their weekly shop, not from shoppers piling their trolleys high, which is very much in line with what the Government wanted households to do.’
telegraph.co.uk/business/202…
@el-tool retweeted
Strange... it's almost like woo and detoxes don't work at all the flu. Who could have guessed?
From the AVK Archive
#CrunchyMoms #HolisticLiving
@el-tool retweeted
@twistedmangoes trolls anti-vaxxers by telling them his neighbour has been disappeared by the Men In Black for his anti-vax views. Of course, other anti-vaxxers have experienced this too.
From the AVK Archive
#ConspiracyTheory #Pseudoscience
@el-tool retweeted
Linda wants to use 3 week old piss in her eyes to increase her stem cells because apparently science is pretty much what you want it to be now.
From the AVK Archive
#PissDrinkers #UrineTherapy #Ewww #Pseudoscience
