i tried to fit the whole canterbury tales in here
Joined May 2012
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me: wow what a beautiful day
gf: wonderful day for some yard work!
my beefy uncle tim: i took the governor off my lawn mower so its got street speed, i take it to the batting cages
regular keith retweeted
you are not a brat, you are my 31 year old cousin Josh, and guess what? youre the most well behaved guy I know. Come here, bud.
regular keith retweeted
I can’t get my son Taffney out of my Cybertruck until I download the latest key software?? Help!
regular keith retweeted
If your boyfriend wears a bowler hat you single to me. What’s he gonna do, gladly pay me Tuesday for a hamburger today?
regular keith retweeted
You try to return to the city, but you spent too much time in the forest learning the language of nature. You now only speak in the cry of startled birds and gusts of wind through dry branches.
The man asks what you want on your sandwich and you hiss softly like steam on a lake.
regular keith retweeted
guy hearing about the mcdonald's happy meal for the first time: [eyes welling up with tears] a happy meal. i think i'd like that. i'd like that very much
regular keith retweeted
Everyone in the NBA is scoring like 150 points every night. Then they come to Madison Square Garden and the Knicks beat them with metal bats for two hours
regular keith retweeted
Ironic that I am a judge for the Truman Capote award when Capote in a druggy interview said he hated me & that I should be executed. LOL.
regular keith retweeted
Disney Shareholder Plans Removal of Bob Iger by Splitting Soul into Thirteen Versions of Himself, Opening Kingdom Hearts hard-drive.net/hd/video-game…
regular keith retweeted
In the last 5 seasons, only four teams have scored 8 or fewer offensive touchdowns through 8 team games:
2019 Jets
2020 Jets
2023 Giants
2023 Jets
