Rachel Heald (@granderach) header
Rachel Heald (@granderach) profile picture

Rachel Heald

@granderach

comically midwestern

 Baltimore, MD
Joined September 2011
  • Tweets5.4K
  • Following363
  • Followers650
759Media
Photo by Rachel Heald (@granderach)Photo by Rachel Heald (@granderach)Photo by Rachel Heald (@granderach)Photo by Rachel Heald (@granderach)Photo by Rachel Heald (@granderach)Photo by Rachel Heald (@granderach)Photo by Rachel Heald (@granderach)Photo by Rachel Heald (@granderach)Photo by Rachel Heald (@granderach)Photo by Rachel Heald (@granderach)
Just got snarfed in Denver, Colorado
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Image from LaMelo Ballsdurf (@Tallsdurf)
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Rachel Heald retweeted
bigsock (@biggersocks) profile picture
bigsock
@biggersocks13 Sep 2025
Image from bigsock (@biggersocks)
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If you say “excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator you can usually get a pity laugh
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m (@msnetiker) profile picture
m@msnetiker25 Aug 2025
Do you think protein wants to be in all these things
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glimmer (@girlremembers) profile picture
glimmer@girlremembers3 Aug 2025
ever since i was a little girl i wanted to retire
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Mikael (@BacardiCapital) profile picture
Mikael
@BacardiCapital30 Jul 2025
Me doing my work mandated compliance training
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Rachel Heald retweeted
erika (@yeeeerika) profile picture
erika@yeeeerika17 Jul 2025
a crispy diet coke should be free if it’s Urgent
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Smiling bc we hadn’t seen our tee shots yet (Rachel’s ball was dead center fairway and mine was in the trees)
Image from Long Beck. (@Johnny_Boh_410)
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໊ (@sonohoor) profile picture
໊
@sonohoor22 May 2025
“it’s all in your head” correct! unfortunately i am also in there
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Rachel Heald retweeted
sarah (@slothanova) profile picture
sarah@slothanova8 May 2025
the only american pope I recognize is kentavious-caldwell
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Just had a heated argument with @granderach about the difference between an Eclair and a Long John and I swear I have never loved this woman more than right this second
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Rachel Heald retweeted
Russillo (@ryenarussillo) profile picture
Russillo
@ryenarussillo5 Mar 2025
If I had kids, I’d make them watch Curry off the ball, even if they didn’t play sports.
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Rachel Heald retweeted
year 24 (@johnrivers131) profile picture
year 24@johnrivers13125 Feb 2025
Whewwwww
Image from year 24 (@johnrivers131)
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Rachel Heald retweeted
Joshua Rush (@JoshuaRush) profile picture
Joshua Rush@JoshuaRush13 Feb 2025
The 🫡 emoji must be one of the top 10 things to ever be added to human language. honestly maybe up there with metaphor and the number zero.
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“people are allowed to dislike things” WRONG. no one is allowed to dislike Napheesa Collier
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Rachel Heald retweeted
MLFootball (@MLFootball) profile picture
MLFootball
@MLFootball27 Jan 2025
ANDY REID WITH THE LINE OF THE DECADE. “ALL THESE GAMES ARE GUT-WRENCHING. AND I’VE GOT A LOT OF GUT TO WRENCH.” 💀💀💀
Image from MLFootball (@MLFootball)
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“Oh how ever am I gonna move this 2 ton box?!” The reliable forklift:
crinkly doo (@eviltweets725) profile picturecrinkly doo@eviltweets72529 Dec 2024
Why’s it got both appendages out
Image from crinkly doo (@eviltweets725)
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Rachel: I wish my cat would let me pick her up Rachel at home with the family pets:
Image from Long Beck. (@Johnny_Boh_410)
Image from Long Beck. (@Johnny_Boh_410)
Image from Long Beck. (@Johnny_Boh_410)
Image from Long Beck. (@Johnny_Boh_410)
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Ellis (@subuwustevens) profile picture
Ellis@subuwustevens18 Dec 2024
I like how "not my circus, not my monkeys" softly implies that you DO have a circus—perhaps even complete with monkeys—but this isn't it
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