I'm tired yall we've been through so much: The Malice at the Palace, Josta soda discontinued, the Super Bowl where the lights went out, 22 years between Jumanji movies, swine flu, chronic diarrhea, William Hung, the balloon art guy, Windows Vista, the Honeycomb cereal mascot,

thats 11 quid, mate. an arse kicking is 11 quid. pay up

I saw Peppa Pig this evening at Home Depot. She was with Daddy Pig, who told me to "sod off" when I approached for an autograph. Really unpleasant fellow.

(your dad, incredibly drunk) listen to me. Mr Bean could not happen in this country. Someone would deal with him

RIP

There's a new designer drug out. They say one hit of it can turn you into the guy from Jamiroquai

Going to the barber and asking for the Bugs Bunny thing where he makes a salad on top of my shit

When people say kiss my ass do they mean the meat part or the hole part

(can't quite remember the phrase "ate my lunch") my ex wife really catered my lunch in the divorce

More like Barf Manning, I've seen enough

Getting called out for lying to the Chili's waiter that it's my birthday and it escalates to a suicide by cop situation

Getting the surgery to do real life chopped n screwed voice