@hesofrench

Stand up comedian, grim faced pilot, insecure connoisseur

instagram.com/
Joined September 2009
  • Tweets1.2K
  • Following868
  • Followers860
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My daughter wanting to know why is Australia at war with Iran?! WTF do I say?
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I’m an Israeli-Jew and my best friend is an Arab-Muslim. We have chosen each other for 14 years. Coexistence is possible. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
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I think Osama bin Laden got more respect the day he died then the people on this submarine did
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Abortion is legal in California. It will remain that way. I just signed a bill that makes our state a safe haven for women across the nation. We will not cooperate with any states that attempt to prosecute women or doctors for receiving or providing reproductive care.
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The debate is done, the discourse is over. We either kill fascism, or it kills us.
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There are going to be a lot more dads playing Division I football.
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Of course Republicans want guns in schools. How else will you defend yourself against all of those dangerous books?
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America, where you only ever need half a flagpole.
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White girls say the darnedest things!
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There’s nothing like telling a finance bro that your broker’s fee is non-negotiable. It’s the first “no” they’ve ever gotten that they can’t overcome with a roofie.
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Just a friendly greeting on behalf of all agents to anyone who can afford to pay $6900/month for an apartment but refused to consider paying a broker fee 😎
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Me to my commission when my client says “let me sleep on it”. #nycrealestate #realestateagent
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Just FYI, when your real estate agent says “congratulations” when you close on a place they didn’t show you, they really mean “fuck you, I hope you get bedbugs.” #nycrealestate #RealEstate #realestateagent #realestatebroker
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In therapy I’ve been working on not jumping to the worst possible conclusion. My therapist is alive. He just missed an online appointment. I’ll keep working on it.
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When you list a 2-bedroom apartment in NYC under 3K and someone asks if they can see it in a week. #realestateagent #realestatelife #newyorkcityrealestate
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My sleep paralysis demon is starting a band. Help
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Time to get down the stairs: 5 min Time to get to our garage: 12 min Number of 3 year old meltdowns: 4 Riding with my daughters 3 years after ALS was predicted to end my life: actually priceless.
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My BF told me that he needs white noise to fall asleep so I put on country music
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It’s never too early to teach your son that dudes rock.
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If I get 1 viral tweet in life I hope this is it. My wife married an athlete, who had limitless energy and was a true partner. Then came ALS and she had to dress, shower and care for me. She has borne these burdens with incredible courage and strength. I love you @sabrevaya.
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