no beers no masters. 3A activist. rampant idiot. he/him
Joined May 2018
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bird bidet retweeted
"standing up to canada." listen to yourself. "defending ourselves against switzerland." "finally confronting luxembourg." that's what you sound like.
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a red dot shines on my chest as a single gunshot echoes, but I look down and I am unscathed
on the rooftop above me the Duolingo owl holsters his pistol, the sniper dead
my phone chimes- “Tu esposa contrató a un sicario.” I don’t understand because I haven’t been studying
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wonderful argument. unfortunately, I have just finished casting polymorph to turn you into yourself but pregnant
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reading Plato for the first time and i'm dying laughing cause whenever someone is all, "Socrates, what is justice?" he starts saying shit like, "is a horse not a horse?" or "what's bigger, a city or a man?" and then the guy he's talking to is like "oh fuuuck🤯"
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That camera-to-George Lucas transition is gonna live in my brain rent-free till I die.
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Zeus: so two guys ran sub 2 hour marathons today
Pheidippidies: holy shit, I guess I’m going to meet them any second now
Zeus, unsure of how to soften the blow: No, they’re actually totally okay. In fact you were basically the only person to ever die from a marathon
bird bidet retweeted
that’s the last time we raid a void wizard’s tower. barbarian got struck by a stray orb and now he’s gone. none of us remember his name or what he looked like
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Before google maps you just had a buddy in another car who said “follow me” then proceeded to run a late yellow at the next intersection.
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"The Boys are Back in Town" is meant to sound celebratory. But to those of us like myself who considered the boys our friends, it can hurt hearing it second-hand, like I'm the last one to find out
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[ARGUING WITH A GRADUATE OF THE PONTIFICAL UNIVERSITY OF SAINT THOMAS AQUINAS] “This doesn’t line up with what I remember from VeggieTales.”
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Japanese sci-fi: two robots in space, yearning
American sci-fi: man gets the author's beliefs on polygamy confirmed by the aliens of ramalama IV
french sci-fi: two horny bounty hunters visit the Galaxy of Breasts
British sci-fi: nuclear war. Everyone dead. America's fault
bird bidet retweeted
*on my deathbed, saying my final goodbyes to my friends and family when suddenly a cloaked stranger enters the room*
me: it…it can’t be…is it really you? am I dreaming?
my ork son who has spent the last 40 years in hiding and was presumed dead: gorgutz here now…father…
