Aaron

"If we all behaved like we do at Wawa-hold doors open, smile, say good morning-the world would be a better place. ACT LIKE YOU'RE AT WAWA"* Good advice then, and great advice now *Credit-->@mainlinewife

I'm not trying to rush things, just thinking about lunch tomorrow. When will there be a taco truck on every corner? #Inauguration

@CaseyBoyCasey I tweeted this joke long ago. You at least owe me a studio visit now. I can even name drop Jason Fehan.

Look on the bright side. At least @AlecBaldwin will have a steady paycheck for 4 years. But my heart goes out to Kate Mckinnon

@BrooklynBrewery @GarrettOliver FYI 2016 BCS has no date codes on it. Don't care given I have 10+ year bottles, but the label says it does

PSA: Don't poison trick or treat candy. You're just going to kill all the adults. #TheMoreYouKnow

Never interrupt a girl with her favorite new book. @brittneyshipp

Where's my goddamn Nobel Peace Prize? Do you know how many times I let customers slide on a penny? #NobelPeacePrize #DontWorryAboutThePenny

You learn a lot about the world being a stay at home dad. Like the fact that Curious George is a repeat felon who is never charged.

Let's call this hoopla about the debate tonight what it really is. The possibility Trump drops the "C" bomb on Hillary. #PresidentialDebate

@JenWesthoven -- Wearing white after Labor Day??? I applaud your rebellious fashion. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

@TheTweetOfGod We could use a little help down here.

Ok, @Knowlesitall wins today's shoe competition. @RobinMeade @JenWesthoven #WellPlayed

@BillHenleyUSA There's something different about you, but I just can't put my finger on it.......@SheenaParveen

If you're going to panhandle me, don't do it in $150 @Nike shoes. #BumProblems

In my day we had singular rainbows, not this double rainbow shit. And that's the way we liked it. #ThanksObama #GetOffMyLawn

So...........@ChickfilA you are also apparently racist? #chickfila #news #why

@JenWesthoven Jen, I gotta ask. What is your dress made of? Is that leather? Big fan of you and Robin btw. Keep on keepin' on.

Happy drink your face off day. Or as it is known in Ireland........ Thursday

What. the. fuck. Now there's car window bunny ears?!? This is why the world hates us. Well that and the KFC Double Down and @realDonaldTrump