John Mathieu (@johnmathieu5000) profile picture

John Mathieu

@johnmathieu5000
 San Francisco, CA
Joined May 2010
  • Tweets683
  • Following163
  • Followers95
John Mathieu retweeted
rob delaney (@robdelaney) profile picture
rob delaney
@robdelaney2 Jul 2012
Sometimes I'm like "I don't wanna tweet that!" but Jesus is like "You have to bro."
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John Mathieu retweeted
R/GA (@RGA) profile picture
R/GA
@RGA17 Apr 2012
"Siri, please explain the appeal of Zooey Deschanel?"
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Replying to @johnmathieu5000
@jdmathieu Does anyone has a Mufasa costume I can borrow? #deadcelebrityrave
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"I wasn't that drunk..." "Dude, you picked up a little mexican girl and screamed, 'DORA! I NEED YOUR MAP TO GET HOME!'"
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I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren't you wearing pants" look.
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My new voicemail: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
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Grey has no personality. You have no personality.
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guys... it's so weird that you can cahnge yur name. #amiright?
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Do you think I'd burn bridges if I told my brother he was a narcissistic piece of shit monster with a bad haircut?
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John Mathieu retweeted
R/GA (@RGA) profile picture
R/GA
@RGA26 Nov 2011
Fiat is really pushing their little JLo Gucci car hard. During the Pitt-WVU game. Who is the lunatic responsible for this media buy?
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John Mathieu retweeted
OMGFacts (@OMGFacts) profile picture
OMGFacts
@OMGFacts25 Nov 2011
Richard Nixon had a speech ready in case the Apollo 11 astronauts were stranded on the moon! Read it - ow.ly/7vTYJ
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John Mathieu retweeted
R/GA (@RGA) profile picture
R/GA
@RGA25 Nov 2011
"Don't wear Wrangler jeans because of me...." I'm afraid Brett Favre grossly overestimates his powers of persuasion.
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I love McDonald's. I don't care how fat it makes me. I don't care about corporate greed #occupymybelly
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Retweet if you are excited that it is officially LSU-Alabama week!
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It's snowing in a large part of the US on Halloween weekend. The new most popular Halloween costume 2011: Frozen Slut.
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John Mathieu retweeted
● ● ● (@ten_ten_ten) profile picture
● ● ●@ten_ten_ten9 Oct 2011
New Yorker cover - St. Peter checks his iPad for Steve Jobs' name: newyorker.com/online/blogs/n…
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John Mathieu retweeted
R/GA (@RGA) profile picture
R/GA
@RGA26 Sep 2011
OMG, that's how I've asked to be buried, too! Creator of Doritos dies, family sprinkles Doritos crumbs on his grave: bit.ly/o7uGGZ
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Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what can you do for DEEEEZ NUUUUUTS!!!
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The show #teenmom should come with a laugh track. #unintentionalcomedy
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#amywinehouse has died. The cause of death is unknown but there are rumors Mrs. Weasley mistook her for Bellatrix Lestrange...
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