Julie

Start your week with the greatest draft pick announcement

I took this picture on April 5, 2015, the last time my birthday fell on Easter. It was not a great day for me. I fought back tears at church, and not in the overwhelmed-by God's-great-mercy way. Little did I know at the time, my year was going to take much worse turns. But I was newly pregnant with my second child, and though very sick and feeling pretty sorry for myself that Easter morning, I knew I was blessed with this new life and a Savior who loves me. I took this photo because it was a reminder of new life and bread of life, and the light of the world. Later that year, I would lose my husband while 7 months pregnant. He died in September. My daughter was born in November. A lot of people wonder, and have asked me, how does one keep her faith through those dark days. I always wondered, how could I have made it through without it? I was angry and scared and so, so thankful I had met Jesus before that moment. I met Him while reading one of those 90s teen study bibles with neon graphics, in my childhood bedroom. In my sad, grey adult bedroom, I woke up panicking in the night, but He was always with me. I prayed Jeremiah 29:11 to calm myself down: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'" I prayed it even though I didn't really believe it at the time. It's not that Jesus solved all my problems in this fallen world or fixed my immediate pain right up. But I was in it with Him and with His promises. And he put the kind of brother in my life who would move in with me to help raise the kids for six months. He put parents in my life who showed up every weekend. He put a neighbor in my life who mowed my lawn every week and another who was a SEAL wife and understood grief like few do, and a best friend who could work out my paperwork (death is so much paperwork) when I couldn't. "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world," C.S. Lewis writes in "The Problem of Pain." I learned a lot while I was being shouted at. I think about Jeremiah 29:11 and 11 years ago today. I think about how my little girl who was not yet born then baked my birthday cake today. I think about how she has three siblings now and the most amazing dad— I remarried in 2020 and he adopted the girls. He took all four of our kids to the store to pick out something for my birthday and then let them each choose a walkout song on the karaoke machine as he gave them a Bruce Buffer announcement call when they came down the stairs to present them to me. I think about how they've gained grandparents and cousins and love and faith. (Our first holiday with Steve's family was Easter, and I took it as a good sign.) I pray they've watched our lives and gained trust in their Lord. I think about how my patience was tested by them several times today, as the patience of a parent always is, and how infinite my Father in heaven's patience for me must be. I think about how much I love each of them, and how much my heart grew when each was born just to fit it all in, and how much greater still is my Father's love for me. I think about how much I have to learn and how my faith is still not as mature as it should be at this point (occasionally illustrated on this app). Today in the car, my kids requested "No Fear" by @jonreddick , "Your Way's Better," by @forestfrank , and "Jesus Is Alive, It's a Happy Day" — that one came with sign language by the 3- and 4-year-old, which I recommend for making your heart soar on a Sunday. They listen to secular music, too, but those are their favorites. One time, reading the Christmas story with my kids, I read "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people," and my eldest (about 5 at the time) said, "Mom, the angel always says that!" She's right, the angel always says that! It is so hard not to be afraid, but we have a Good Shepherd. Our lives were touched by death, but He has conquered it. My kids like new worship songs, but I love the classics, and today as on every Easter, I sang "Blessed Assurance," because Jesus is mine. And in the darkest times, He is new life and bread of life, and the light of the world. I am remembering to rejoice in that every day.