fartchurch

me watching travel show: I miss traveling me watching food show: I miss eating out me watching crime show: I miss getting murdered

I’m on blue sky I’m on substack ok well i’m on the dominos app crafting hundreds of topping combos and then abandoning cart

Good will hunting but i realize I’m secretly a genius janitor

Boise: psst here’s another speak easy shhh! hehehe *me drunk in my backyard burning an entire Christmas tree* “Oh I won’t tell anyone”

Bring my whole self to work? Babes I haven’t seen her in 3 years.

Baby on board sticker for when a baby is driving. Me. I’m the baby.

Boise Russet Potato Nicole. You must stop snowing.

Me in an Uber trying on a different personality for fun.

Mic drop is short for microwave dropping on top of my head.

Normalize telling ur partner u on a video call in the kitchen so he crawls around on the floor.

Pojo’s is a beautiful name for a girl

Ppl: I love your personality! Me: thanks, it’s reversible

My body is a Shirley Temple

how does one become a therapy dog do i just order the vest and go from there

Put the ER inside the IHOP.

Idaho Yelp be like, “Dear Pizza Hut your fries are so bad how could you.”

Maybe I’d like to get the zoomies for once.

pulling up a google tab where you had previously searched “enmeshment trauma” and quickly replacing it with “locally made custard ice cream”

Wild that i went from being able to sleep 8 hours on a ping pong table to crying bc my husband bought olive oil mayo.

Found this insane podcast called my brain and the content is so funny but unhinged and also makes me cry at random moments!