Captain Nefarious Cloud

So Keir, if we take one person and send him to France and then take another person back from France, how many people extra will we end up with?

Kier Starmer has finally found the answer to the British public remembering his lies

Ed Davey and Sadiq Khan already tweeting about their followers being worried at the nasty man being back in the White House. Delicious.

So what are you doing to get to net zero? I'm building another 400 coal power stations and taking absolutely no notice of you crazy bastards. You're welcome.

Whilst Trump is putting together a team of 1st round draft picks in the US (Musk, Homan, Vivek etc) we're stuck with Ed Milliband, Yvette Cooper and David Lammy, FFS.

I've bought a new battery garden blower/vacuum. I'm not quite sure that I should be so excited about it.... Fcuk it. Can't wait to use it 🥳

Snowflake Hulk Hogan?

Make the most of it. At the next Olympics the women's beach volleyball will have bollox hanging out of bikini bottoms.

Lenny has become the typical woke luvvie now he's got a few quid and lost some weight. Let's not forget he became famous for pissing around in massive plastic glasses and doing awful impressions

Bird flu testing team about to hold their latest press conference

Out for a walk in the countryside topping up on far right fresh air. Beautiful.

Met Police have instructed the general public not to jump to conclusions. The throwing of acid and abuse of a woman and child are not necessarily the acts of a barbaric, useless scumbag who shouldn't be here. A religious specialist from the Met commented "remember, if it's in the Quran then this was a peaceful act of retribution for embarrassing a man".

I'm afraid this is totally out of order. Netflix would never do this. For starters suggesting the gender of this individual is outrageous. Also, it would be wearing a Palestinian tea towel scarf and it would surely be paired with a white snow woman to complete "normal" family.