Prisca Chibueze

A man and a woman can never truly be just friends unless they are both unattractive to each other. I know this is an unpopular opinion, but let me explain where I am coming from. When it comes to temptation, I have always believed in the avoidance-avoidance approach. I would rather avoid situations that could compromise my decisions than put myself in those situations and rely entirely on self-control to get me through. Self-control is important, but avoiding unnecessary temptation is wisdom. You don't prove your discipline by standing at the edge of a cliff and convincing yourself you won't fall. Sometimes, discipline means knowing better than to go near the edge in the first place. As a woman, you cannot be in a committed relationship, maintain a male best friend you are attracted to, know that he is attracted to you too, and expect your partner to accept that nothing could ever happen between you. This man is always nice to you, gives you attention, makes himself available, and probably understands you in ways you enjoy. You even visit him, spend time alone with him, and expect your partner to believe that the possibility of something happening between you is nonexistent. Don't you realise that you are making yourself vulnerable? The problem is that people overestimate their self-control. You convince yourself that you know your boundaries, that you can never cross certain lines, and that you would never do anything to jeopardise your relationship. But what happens when emotional intimacy deepens, attraction intensifies, the opportunity presents itself, and your judgement becomes clouded? What happens when a boundary you thought was unbreakable begins to look negotiable? Your self-control is not as invincible as you think. You are human. You can have good intentions and still make terrible decisions under the right circumstances. You can sincerely believe you would never do something until you find yourself in a situation where doing it becomes easier than you imagined. This is why I believe in removing yourself from situations that constantly test your convictions rather than repeatedly proving how strong your convictions are. You don't have to find out how much temptation you can withstand before you make the right decision. If you don't want to smoke weed, don't constantly hang around people who smoke it. If you are struggling to quit alcohol, stop putting yourself in environments where drinking is the easiest option. If you are trying to leave a destructive habit behind, stop creating opportunities for that habit to reclaim you. The same principle applies to relationships. If you value your partner and are serious about protecting your relationship, be intentional about the situations you expose yourself to. Don't cultivate intimacy with someone you are attracted to and then act surprised when that intimacy starts threatening the relationship you claim to value. Stop making your life unnecessarily difficult by placing yourself in situations you could have avoided. You are human, not immune to temptation. Plan your life with that reality in mind.

Maturing is realizing that your brain is not always interested in the truth; sometimes, it is more interested in protecting your ego. You can spend years defending a belief, justifying your behaviour and blaming people for how they treat you without ever examining the role you played. The mind is remarkably good at creating explanations that make us feel right, even when we are wrong. Sometimes, growth begins when you stop asking, “Why do people keep doing this to me?” and start asking, “What am I repeatedly doing, tolerating or failing to recognise that keeps bringing me back to this same situation?”