Nicholas Onslow FRES

Activist: "Farmers won. The threshold's £2.5m now. Millionaires crying about tax." Farmer: "What's this field worth?" Activist: "I don't know. A lot." Farmer: "About £10,000 an acre round here. I've got 400 acres. So, a millionaire. 4 times." Activist: "Exactly." Farmer: "It made £22,000 last year. My wife does the books and she didn't pay herself. That's about half a percent on the £4m you're looking at." Activist: "Then sell some." Farmer: "Sell 100 acres and I've got a farm too small to run and a bill on the rest. Sell the lot and I've got a house and no job. It's £4m the way your kidney is worth £100,000. True on paper. Try spending it." Activist: "Other businesses pay inheritance tax." Farmer: "Other businesses pay it out of what they make. Mine makes half a percent. The bill's 20% on everything over the line, so £300,000. That's 14 years of profit, if the weather holds for 14 years, which it has never once done." Activist: "So you want a special exemption for being a farmer." Farmer: "I want the tax to be on money. You've built one on soil. The man who buys my 100 acres to get out of paying it won't grow a thing on them, and the relief was there to stop him in the first place." Activist: "You're crying poverty from a £4m farm." Farmer: "I'm crying poverty from a £22,000 wage. The £4m is what a man in a suit will pay for my job. You keep confusing what he'll pay to take it with what I get for doing it."

Myth: "I only wear vegan fabrics. Better for the animals, better for the planet." Let's check in on Doris's annual contribution. Once a year, in late spring, Doris is sheared. The procedure takes approximately three minutes. Doris does not enjoy it. Doris does not, by any visible measure, suffer from it. Doris is, immediately afterwards, a noticeably more comfortable animal in the British summer. The fleece weighs approximately 3 kilograms. It is sold to the British Wool Marketing Board for, depending on the year, between £0.40 and £2.50 per kilogram. The shearing costs more than the wool fetches. Brian is shearing Doris at a loss. The wool is then: - Naturally flame-retardant - Naturally antibacterial - Moisture-wicking - Biodegradable - Renewable, annually - Carbon-storing while in use The replacement, in performance fabrics: - Polyester - Polyamide - Acrylic - Polypropylene - All petroleum-derived - All shedding microplastics on every wash - All requiring fossil fuel inputs to produce - All non-biodegradable, with a typical landfill lifespan of 200-500 years A single wash of a polyester fleece can release up to 700,000 microplastic fibres into the water system. These fibres are now in: every tested water source on earth, every tested human placenta, every tested rainfall sample, the deep ocean, the Arctic ice, and the lungs of marine mammals. A single wash of a wool jumper releases: nothing. The wool, when eventually disposed of, returns to soil within a few years. The fabric being marketed as the "ethical" alternative to wool is plastic. The plastic is "ethical" because nobody has been asked to slaughter the polymer. The polymer also has not been asked. Doris, by being a sheep on a fell, is producing the most thoroughly sustainable performance fabric humans have ever made. Brian is selling it at a loss. The fashion industry, meanwhile, is selling petroleum at a profit and calling it ethical. Reject plastic. Wear wool. Doris is, this morning, growing next year's batch.