FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) | teapawt

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF@sofarrsogud24 Jun 2024

Got banned for life from working in McDonald's on my first day for shouting YES McCHEF every time an order came in.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

Papazilla667!@Scottzilla66721 Oct 2021

One time, in a restaurant, a dude from a rival gang threw a steak at me, so I threw a lobster at him and we got into a huge surf and turf war.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

@deloisiveteOct 20

Impulse bought a plant at the grocery store, and now I can't tell if it's real or fake, guess we'll know in a few days

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Marcmywords@Marcmywords2Oct 21

A typo so bad, HR requires a CAT scan.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓

@MoMohlerOct 20

My hometown has started construction on a biblically accurate Cracker Barrel.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

Stefan Urquelle@OfficeofSteveOct 20

Crocs are the sweatpants of footwear

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

Midnight Cowboy 🇺🇸@cowboyjeffkentOct 20

Every time I see one of my old tweets retweeted, I realize I haven’t grown much as a person.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

Ⓜ️isterD@MisterD78UKOct 20

Them: "what is wrong with you?" Me: "idk even my therapist is baffled"

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

Avogadro’s House of Moles@schumoo8 Aug 2022

The advice here is free. It's usually stupid but it's free

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

@Henry_3000Oct 20

I don't mind the maddening tinnitus if it drowns out the nagging criticism of my inner monologue.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF@sofarrsogudOct 18

I saw a 'Book Of Opposites' at the store today and couldn't help but wonder why they didn't call it a Contradictionary.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

John H. Beers III 🐀@Bedlam_BeersieOct 17

“If you work out regularly, it’s important to have a rest day for your body to recover,” I say on my 1,000th consecutive rest day.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

KSHE95@wednesday0525Oct 17

Baby's first *Right Next to Stupid, while napping in my stroller* T-Shirt.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

Midnight Cowboy 🇺🇸@cowboyjeffkent24 Nov 2023

Hot singles over 40 in your area are curious what you use for joint pain and inflammation

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

Jö$h@JoshKing2Oct 17

I leave an animal cracker at all my crime scenes.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓

@MoMohlerOct 17

At first Benjamin Franklin was afraid to tell people he discovered electricity because he was a middle aged man out flying kites.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF@sofarrsogudOct 16

Comedians in flying cars shitting themselves

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

Benny Boy@Camel_CrushinOct 16

I find myself driving with my hands at 10 and 2 a lot lately. Might as well fill my center console with butterscotch candy at this point.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF@sofarrsogudOct 15

Terminator 2 is a great movie but I think it would've been even better if when Arnold shot the terminator in the face he then said 'Grow a head, make my day' James Cameron: SECURITY!!

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

KSHE95@wednesday0525Oct 14

- Beverly owns this hill - Sahara owns this desert - Myrtle owns this beach - Debbie did this, wait, what? All of it?

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF retweeted

Mike Mentalpause@mentalpause1Oct 15

I just blocked a judge from posting on my feed. That's right your honor, you are being restrained

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