limited edition, macaroni and glitter on construction paper
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Joined November 2007
- Tweets11.3K
- Following209
- Followers856K
- Likes90.7K
Jason Sweeney retweeted
It’s International Women’s Day and I believe all men and women should be equal but my wife says I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility.
Jason Sweeney retweeted
If you hit play on “Master and Commander” at 11:57 tonight, your girlfriend will fall asleep exactly at midnight.
Jason Sweeney retweeted
Lots of people want a car that makes them *look* sexy, but only minivans prove you’ve actually *had* sex.
Jason Sweeney retweeted
Spread the word: daringfireball.net/2023/03/t…
Jason Sweeney retweeted
Celebrity Calm App: fall asleep to celebrities #calmapp #sleepstories
Jason Sweeney retweeted
The Fourth of July — the day Canada has to wear its headphones in order to get any work done.
Jason Sweeney retweeted
It's Canada Day Eve, so I have to leave a jar of maple syrup at the window. Otherwise, Céline Dion comes in the night and eats your eyes.
Jason Sweeney retweeted
“It’s St. Patrick’s Day, so excuse me while I Irish up this coffee.” [Fills mug with potatoes]
Jason Sweeney retweeted
Me: I really need to focus rn
My brain: Ok
Me: I mean it
My brain: I know
…
My brain: But imagine Donald Duck saying Sylvia Plath
