egregious blob retweeted
Someone just mistyped “grocery store clerks” as “grocery store clerics” and I don’t think anything’s ever been truer at this moment in time.
egregious blob retweeted
Quarantine day 6, and we’re all: -quietly reading improving books
-doing crafts with the three people we’re allowed to see till summer
-wondering if a single cough means imminent death
-thinking almost constantly about sex.
I suddenly understand Jane Austen novels much better.
egregious blob retweeted
Funny thing about this tweet. Here's a fun tidbit. For a period of approximately 30 years from the 1950s to 1980, hurricanes were only named after women.
Because, well, you can come to your own conclusion.
egregious blob retweeted
me: jesus, all i have in the cupboard is two tins of tuna fish, an expired box of jello, and egg noodles
1950's cookbook author's ghost, calling from hell: well well well, not so high and mighty now, are we?
egregious blob retweeted
[Cake voice]
We’re KEEPING our DISTANCE
We’re all QUARANTINED
We stay alone (ALL ALONE), for our friends in their time of NEED
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Man 1 walking behind me in Tottenham: Feels end of days.
Man 2: Yes.
Man 1: So I might as well tell you.
Man 2: What?
Man 1: (inhales) That I love you.
Long pause.
Man 1: You don’t feel the same.
Man 2: Of course I do you silly sausage I’m just trying not to cry.
egregious blob retweeted
This viral tweet claims photos were taken in Venice when in actuality these are photos from Burano, Italy.
According to people replying to the tweet, these canals usually have swans and fishes.
Screenshots below this tweet
unavailable
egregious blob retweeted
People: "I want 2020 to be like the roarin' twenties!"
Earth: "Alright, infectious disease is spreading."
People: "No, not like that."
Earth: "The US stock market is tanking."
People: "Wait..."
Earth: "LMAO Bars can't be open anymore."
egregious blob retweeted
So I was watching those Beyond Belief Fact or Fiction videos and someone in the comments mentioned how if you put it at .5 speed he sounds like a depressed drunk on the sidewalk trying to get your attention, & so I did, and I've been wheezing badly at this for the last 7 minutes
egregious blob retweeted
If current events are getting you down, here’s a squishy lamb face to brighten your day.
#MrShoutypants
egregious blob retweeted
someday everyone will be able to immediately pick out all the millennial gravestones because everyone else's will be like "loving husband, wings of angels" and ours will be like
"thank fuck"
"a very good boi"
"1995-2064. nice."
"she died doing what she loved: being murdered"
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JOB HUNTING
- stressful
- frustrating
- a job in itself
TAKING CAREER ADVICE FROM THREE WITCHES ON THE HEATH
- ominous and cool
- guaranteed results
- you don't even have to do anything besides slay duncan and frame the servants. anyway your wife can help with that
egregious blob retweeted
he was a famous trumpet man from out chicago way. he had a boogie style that no one else could play. he was the top man at his craft but then his number came up and he was gone with the draft. he's in the army now, a-blowin' reveille. he's the boogie woogie bugle boy of company B
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1/ I run Media Matters (a media watchdog organization). I want to say something about @ewarren's departure from the race. Horserace, polls, nomination aspect aside aside, we will all feel the effects of Warren's absence from the race, whether you realize it or not. Here's why...
