man i fucking hate my roommate

A Europoor woke up one morning to find €10 million in his bank account. Naturally, he assumed it was a scam. In Europe, the only thing that arrives unexpectedly is a tax increase. He called his bank. “Sir, we’ve confirmed the funds are yours. You’re officially a millionaire.” He started crying. For the first time in his life, he could afford to turn the heating above 18°C, eat meat twice in the same week, take a shower without speedrunning it, and buy a second baguette without taking out a mortgage. He booked a holiday to Switzerland, bought a designer suit, and walked into work the next morning to resign. “I’m rich now,” he told his boss. “I’m finally free.” His boss laughed. “Congratulations. Unfortunately, that puts you in the highest tax bracket. You owe €9.8 million in taxes.” The Europoor collapsed. An ambulance arrived 45 minutes later, the paramedics were on strike. But the worst was yet to come. That evening, the government held an emergency press conference. "the €10 million transfer was an error. The funds will be reclaimed immediately.” The man stood up for himself. “But I already spent €200,000!” The minister nodded sympathetically. “We understand. You now owe us €200,000. Plus interest. And a €50 administrative fee for processing your complaint.” He sold his suit. Cancelled his holiday. Sold his furniture. Cancelled his Netflix subscription because he could no longer justify the luxury tax on entertainment. He turned off the heating. He sold his car, even though he had never owned one. He moved back in with his parents, who charge him rent. Then he opened the fridge. Half a baguette, one slice of cheese and a well elaborated government pamphlet explaining how to make both last until Thursday. He sat down, wrapped himself in three blankets, and smiled through his slowly frezzing tears. He was broke, freezing, and €200,050 in debt. But at least he had universal healthcare. He immediately booked a doctor's appointment for therapy for 2029. Welcome back to Europe.🇪🇺

Update:

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POV: You conquered half of Europe just to watch it fall 200 years later

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Ursula doesn't knock. She opens the fridge, takes half, and calls it 'redistribution'.

France when you touch their national treasure 🥖

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The Big Three global superpowers

I asked my cousin in Naples how the trucker blockade is going. He said the shelves are empty, the highways are full of parked trucks, and diesel is still expensive. “But at least nobody is working too hard,” he added.

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If Brussels initiated “Operation Ham”:

The Eu really does care about its Europoors hygiene and well being. Free mandatory showers for everyone, just make sure you bring your own soap!

Geuropoor!

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Perfume. The official Europoor self-defense mechanism

Dutch PM and his boyfriend are having a surrogate baby. Congrats on the new kid, hope the free healthcare covers the therapy for growing up without a mom.