pant pooper

ever since i was a child i always knew when i grew up I wanted to go on my phone and be scrolling on my phone and maybe playing games

Sexual twister be like left foot penis

My wife holds a pair of socks and asks “Is this washed?” I look up from the newspaper and reply: “H3H3” She sighs. She knows that one of the socks has been cheating on the other sock with it’s much younger coworker and the other sock has left and taken the kid socks.

And might I say, what a fine, buxom discord avatar you have milady

Aura farming your former semen’s former semen

Mythic FYP pull

This is genuinely how people who bet on sports see themselves

My pit bull just jaw-mogged a toddloid

The best barrel your shot can be aged in is one from Smith & Wesson

The national parks service has issued a standing kill order for me because I found the biggest tree in the whole world

Experts have identified thousands of functional age-regression chambers across the United States disguised as gas station bathrooms

It feels sooooo good to tell someone they’re “reading too much into it” when you did something on purpose

Tip: cutting back on physical intimacy with your partner will help you free up valuable screen time

*forgetting the word heterosexual* there are a lot of mixed couples around here

One must imagine Sisyphus integrating streamlined workflows

It’s been a year and that guy gets a lot of shit for that tweet but “his condition is stable” was probably technically true

Type of shit your teammate says to you after they go 1/18/2 while typing racial epithets for 35 minutes and you ask them to stop

valid crashout or nah?🤔🤔

you better act like an airplane seat belt and tighten up when I pull this strap

Every friendgroup got the CIA Asset and if u don’t know who it is… This is mission activation protocol 581. Protect all Flock cameras from civilian destruction