Suze

I flat-shared with 4 others in London age 20. I had finished Uni...worked a good job Selfridges, slept on friends floor to try save for my own place closer to town. A flatmate was a loud obnoxious Australian, scary even, everything was shouted..he was horrible, I avoided him, he would find ways to demand more money from me. I paid towards council tax and some towards 'floor' as well as of course my part of general bills too so we never knew why he was being so vile..aside from vile sake... I came home from work to a flat party at 8pm. I was handed a coke, I can't drink alcohol, I have crohns..it hurt to drink. I have ZERO recollection of anything until 6am, i was ontop of him, he was SA'ing me fully. I was a virgin saving myself. I am autistic, I had serious issues with people touching me. I immediately jumped off..horrified...there were others in the room one guy watching it all...I still can barely speak of this..but there is a point. I IMMEDIATELY packed my suitcase. I was so confused...I had no idea what happened...I was sore..tired..and utterly confused. My friend who's floor I slept on was still asleep. I left to go to nearest tube...he chased me the whole way repeating 'it's just sex..what's your deal, what's wrong with ya?' I now can't even listen to Australian accents...I never said a word. I got on the tube his voice ringing in my ear.. I went to my nearest friend who was In Oxford. I got bed in a hostel until I could gather my mind. I had interviews at MTV and TV channels all set up.. I didn't want to return to scotland. I had bruising on my neck..arms, absolutely brutal cystitis..i was torn up 'down there'. What did I do? I disassociated. I did not know what the hell I had done all that night. I could not figure it out. One year later my friend got married. That beast was there, I froze in fear. Infront of everyone in hotel breakfast he shouts 'Why you ignoring me..i fucked ya' what did I do? I just didn't respond..I was frozen....he had terrified me in such a deep way...I froze..am sorry...thats what happened. TWENTY years later. I am a mother, lost a child, my own mother died, covid hit..my marriage failed..moved country..son struggling autism, i had a tumour nearly kill me, then my crohns..it was A LOT.. and I ended in therapy It was not until then I could piece anything together. 1- I openly disliked this man, people knew I avoided him ad was afraid of him..I would NEVER have consented ever, even drunk...and...as I mentioned i can't drink, Id throw up. Only one answer, he drugged me. On top of SA..he could have killed me, with crohns you don't know what your absorption is doing, so dangerous...I as able to sit and piece it together when I could face it...and it took 20 years... so I don't judge anyone who 'took 20 years' to report.