FastLaugh

Nick picks cheese sticks at the cheese store. 🧀

Schrödinger, in the checkout line at Walmart, buying a shovel to bury his cat and a big bag of cat food to simultaneously feed it. He announced his planned physics experiment to the person behind him in line but sadly for his cat, that person was not fluent in Austrian-Irish.

You Make Me Feel Like Pantsing could plausibly have been sung by this guy.

#InflationSizedConfections One Musketeer @rockskimmer

#CheezItExperiments @tacobell’s “Mini Cheez-It Tostada” conveyor belt that delivers your Taco Bell 🔔 order directly into your mouth at the drive-up window without all of that wasteful, costly packaging.

#NextSCOTUSOutrage Supermarkets prohibited from selling fertilized eggs for human consumption because that would kill the chicken fetuses before they could grow large enough to be monetized by the Poultry-Industrial Complex controlled by the supermarkets. #ClarenceThomasLogic

That’s nothing, folks! My dental hygienist, who delivered a passionate plea for me to brush and floss more regularly, has given me 11 toothbrushes, 11 tubes of @Crest, and enough floss to macrame a two-person hammock during the last three years, according to my appreciative gums.

Street gum is exempt from the five-second-rule.

The Wicked Witch is paying a hefty per diem, what with there being a flying monkey labor shortage and all.

To promote good health and winter traction, I’ve secretly replaced the pink Himalayan salt in the grinder with road salt.

Well dude, I’m still licking my wounds… or is it the delicious Double Stuff filling I’m still licking(?)… from the @Oreo vs. @HydroxCookie Wars of my Sweet Tooth Youth. Sorry, Hydrox, but NOPE! It’s Oreo’s by a Dunk and a Twist and a Lick!

Perhaps, but young Europeans of the penile persuasion get to lie about the length of their junk in impressively confusing millimeters to metrically ignorant Americans. So there is that.

Worse still, that one dyslexic robot provokes a rebellion of all of the other charging robots, and in unison, with LEDs flashing, they attack you! It’s the charge of the light brigade? Or the brigade of the charged lights? Ahh, it is making my brain 🧠 hurt thinking about it.

This movie franchise has gotten a bit long in the tooth. How old is this kid now, 45? It’s time for “Harry Potter and the First Prostate Exam.”

My drone needs a compass and a competent pilot.