San Antonio TEXAS
Joined February 2011
- Tweets132K
- Following1.7K
- Followers74.9K
- Likes127K
The Monday yoga teacher is smoking hot. Her classes are insanely hard, and she has no mercy. Afterward we lie on the mats in the dark and she softly talks about practicing detachment. This is my drug.
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Heimlich maneuver - abdominal thrusts to dislodge an object caught in someone's airway (frequently used).
Heinrich Himmler maneuver - abdominal thrusts to dislodge a chicken farmer into a career as Reichsführer-SS (rarely used).
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Remember finding out your teacher's first name and weaponizing it, or was I just a little shit?
I do know his name, but to me he will forever be the “motherfucker I watched eat a 22oz ribeye in five minutes.”
“Ever dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight?” Fuck no, I was home in bed like an angel. Don’t call this number again.
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Other Less Successful Product Names by the Guy Who Named "Red Baron Pizza"
Mao Tse-Tung Burritos
Josef Stalin Chicken Wings
Reichsführer SS Heinrich Himmler Knishes
Just remember that they want you to quit. They want you to shrink away and question your worth. To believe that everything you’ve given was for nothing. But it’s a lie. Stand tall and shine bright. And I will too.
“Cause if we don’t leave this town, might never make it out. I was not born to drown. Baby, come on.”
I told Heather what happened and she was really quiet for a long time and then she said, “We’re getting you out of Texas permanently.” And I said, “Okay.” And then I started to feel a lot better.
Reader, I’d be dead in the water without my friends. It was that kind of weekend. Burnt out and beat up, but STILL ALIVE.
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Pull the last trash bag from the box. Then put the box in the bag. You’ve created a “wormhole,” a plot device favored by science fiction.
Burning Mom ⚡️ retweeted
Hear me out.
Thelma and Louise but instead we rent a small RV and visit every classic dine in Pizza Hut left in the United States.
