@ThisLocalHater

Not Sofia Coppola

xitter.cf/search?q=(from%3AThisLocalHater)%20-filter%3Areplies&src=typed_query&f=live
Joined June 2024
  • Tweets8.6K
  • Following492
  • Followers1.2K
2Media
Asking the stripper if she wants to come over and listen to me play the clarinet later
11
82
3
330
7,684
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
Philip
@unclephiltweetsOct 17
Recently, I hosted one of those murder mystery dinners but instead of one guest being murdered and everyone else figuring out who did it every guest was murdered immediately upon arrival and had to spend the whole night dead then go home. That was a good night.
1
2
9
296
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
🎃Case🎃@Cactuscali19912Oct 22
Me, if I was aboard the Titanic, "Oh man, well I guess this just became a...situationship."
4
17
1
75
1,120
Whimsy is a Twitter word, not a real life word.
1
6
17
274
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
zest@holyphilament21h
Ate a few Sour Patch Chicken Tenders from Wingslop and now I dream in long division and Esperanto. Do not eat
1
2
97
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
zest@holyphilament20h
My bird just started flying
1
50
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
zest@holyphilament9m
Replying to @ThisLocalHater
My fourth grade teacher's last name was Primrose. Every time I had to address him I felt as though I was in a 70s fantasy novel
1
1
24
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
Kelly S.@kelter125 Oct 2014
Should have known getting these Breaking Bad action figures was a bad idea - now my GI Joe is hooked on meth and panhandling in my yard.
27
41
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
RunwayDan
@RunwayDan16 Feb 2025
My dreams of being a rodeo clown were dashed when I discovered I was allergic to getting kicked in the head by a bull.
1
9
16
577
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
slice@sliceofheck2h
Sorry, I can’t cum to the phone right now. It’s not sexy enough
1
1
19
407
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
Jason Goes to Hell@benedictsredOct 24
Halloween candy is expensive this year so I’ll just be handing out razorblades
4
38
1
175
3,235
Remember finding out your teacher's first name and weaponizing it, or was I just a little shit?
1
4
7
77
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
Henry 3000
@Henry_3000Oct 24
I simply lack the work ethic, diligence and eye for detail that serial killing requires.
3
22
42
965
I’m looking for 7,000 of my closest friends.
1
8
31
372
I fashion my own moist towelettes out of unpaid parking tickets and rain.
12
18
My sanity is on the back of milk cartons
2
7
15
233
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
Ava@avainwordland30 May 2019
I can’t believe you don’t appreciate this head in a jar. And I made it just for you.
3
22
2
50
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
🤐
@zippermouth_Oct 20
my work compromise is, i'll sit at my desk, but I'm not going to do any actual work.
25
83
1,696
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
🤐
@zippermouth_Oct 20
apparently the reason I had stopped tweeting was not enough caffeine. that's been remedied.
1
13
32
604
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
🤐
@zippermouth_Oct 20
no. please don't touch me. -grass probably
1
23
52
796
Skurt Vonnegut retweeted
you already know@DrinkingDad_2Oct 23
I selected the non-EBT payment method at Dollar General and balloons & confetti fell from the ceiling.
14
281
5
9,650
165,407
Load more