Random Dadisms

*watching marble runs on YouTube* 7yo: Gravity is what makes marble runs possible. Me: You’re right. 7yo: Yeah, because without gravity everything would be floating around and people would be too freaked out to build marble runs! #logic – at Washington, USA

4yo: I wanna shower! Me: Alright, but you’ll need to go get a clean towel first 4yo: Okay! …I guess he’s planning on being in there for a while

Me: You need to get dressed for school 7yo: No Me: Get dressed now or I’ll sing to you 7yo: I don’t wanna get dressed Me: ♫ DON’T CRY FOR ME ARGENTINA!! ♫ 7yo: Argh… make it stop! Me: ♫ THE TRUTH IS I NEVER LEFT YOU!! ♫ 7yo: Okay, Okay… I’m getting dressed. #DadWin – at Washington, USA

Me: Ugh… gross, you got sick everywhere. 7yo: No I didn’t. This was already here. Me: I’d have remember your room covered in puke. You must’ve slept through it. 7yo: No I didn’t. I’m not sick. Me: So how do you explain this mess? 7yo: It was the Vomit Fairy? – at Washington, USA

Me: You’re weird. 8yo: I’m not weird, you’re weird. Me: But it’s June. 4yo: Mickey!, Mickey! 7yo: Menu button, scroll down two columns, click right three times. Me: I know how to find it, you guys are weird. 8yo: Are not, hit “play” Me: *starts Disney Christmas Special* – at Washington, USA

7yo: Hey Dad, watch’ya watching? Me: Streamers playing Fortnite. 7yo: I don’t like that game. Me: Why don’t you like it. Is it beacause of the violence? 7yo: No, it’s the unrealistic construction techniques and excessive building code violations. – at Washington, USA

7yo: Arghh!… Dad, don’t bonk me on the head with a frying pan!! Me: I’m just teasing, I’d never bonk you with a frying pan. It might dent the pan and your Mom would kill me. 7yo: Okay. – at Washington, USA

We’re having a Disney kind of morning… 8yo is only wearing pants 7yo is only wearing a shirt 4yo is dressed, and very goofy – at Washington, USA

8yo: Dad, you’re so weird 7yo: He’s not weird, he’s Dad 8yo: He’s a weird Dad 7yo: …but that’s normal for him. 8yo: Okay. Dad, you’re normal… but you’re so weird for other people. – at Washington, USA

I’ve finally discovered my childrens’ heretofore undiscovered hidden talent: Using their constant gibberish for random password generation! I still have no idea what they’re trying to say, but at least all my online accounts are secure.

My 7 year old likes inventing new super heroes, his latest is “Baby Grown-Up”. He has the power to turn into either an adult the size of a new born baby, or a baby that’s the size of a grown man. Thanos better watch out.

If there is ever a Parental Olympics I’m sure to win gold in the “Running Butt Change” competition. Scores based on speed of kid, decibel of his screaming, and the size of the horror show going on in the diaper. #boys #pottytraining – at Washington, USA

Me: What pants do you want to wear? 3yo: REAL pants! Me: Okay, what kind of “real” pants? 3yo: Not imaginary pants! Me: We’ve established that, anything else? 3yo: No invisible pants, and they can’t be on fire. Yep, it’s official. All my kids are as weird as me.

I swear I’m raising lawyers. “Put it on” is too vague. When I tell the boys to get dressed I now have to specify “Not on your head, not on your brothers head... Put YOUR feet IN YOUR socks, put YOUR sock covered feet IN YOUR shoes, in that order... do not change the order!”

Me: That’s not how you play the game, you have to toss the bean bag. 3yo: Okay… *Throws bean bag at his brother’s head* #boys

3yo *sitting on my lap*: No Daddy, you can’t move! Me: Why can’t I move? Am I just a pillow for you? 3yo: No… Daddy, you’re a mattress AND a pillow. – at Washington, USA

My kids keep breaking the arms off one of my nutcrackers. Instead of repairing it again I discovered it was easier to just give him a friend…

6yo: I can tell the Nutcracker is pretend because the mice and the toy soldiers using fake swords. Me: Yep, that’s a dead giveaway.

No help me! I can put on my coat by myself! #BigBoy

7yo: Lets have a contest of who can count to ten fastest. 6yo: Okay 7yo: 1,2,3,4,5,6 6yo: 10! I win!! 7yo: what? 6yo: I counted by 10s – at East Olympia, WA