Sam Strake

Santa won't be here for another 4 months- these will make it till then, right? Right?

@DaveOshry your beef with Dane Cook made it into the Google ai robot

The biblical name for these is Chomp Cheese. All others are false prophets.

Spine Doctor: Are you sexually active? Me: Not really. Doctor: Oh... will you be soon? Me: Probably not. Doctor: I see. I'll go print the "Back stretches for people who understand the ending of Evangelion" list then.

I'm like 90% sure Nicholas Hoult auditions for the lead role in every movie he's in, then the directors make him sit and watch every other actor's audition before casting him as the cuck.

I would get recognized in public, for the first time ever- after spending all last week at the largest nerd convention in the world, at the fucking Weird Al concert lmao

But they were all of them deceived, for another energy drink was made. In the land of Boca Raton, Florida, the Dark Lord Celcius forged in secret a Fifth Loko, to control all others. And into this drink he poured his cruelty, his malice, and High Noon Vodka.

We're just Kens (and a Barbie!)

Last day as Mojo Dojo Casa House Ken at Comic Con 🕶️ Mostly because I'm sore from walking around all day 20% flexing

Lord protect this man, for he is the chosen one

If you want to say hi today at San Diego Comic Con, look for the short Ken in the glowing hat 🤠

Went to the doctor for back pain. Turns out the cause was a... broken rib I've apparently had for the last 5-6 months(!!) and that's not even the worst part- which is that I think I was able to find the exact frame I broke it- in my Wicked parody about about Elon, (un)Popular

4 minutes of musical comedy about how men suck

These in-pool lounge chairs are perfect for tanning because you get to spend 30 minutes taking a relaxing nap, followed by 30 minutes of presenting yourself in dyslexic downward dog pose.

lol this pool has a "no diving" sign for a shallow end that's 10 inches deep