@TimothyCookothy

This account is a parody and not affiliated with Tim Cook or Apple Inc.

 Cupertino, CA
instagram.com/timothycookothy
Joined February 2019
  • Tweets1.4K
  • Following0
  • Followers17.1K
219Media
We were running out of ideas for new products, so we started combining the iPad with everything else. iPhone Duo = iPad + iPhone Homeview = iPad + HomePod Next up: iPad + MacBook. We think you’re going to love it.
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Introducing AirPod. We’re now going to sell each AirPod separately to increase shareholder value.
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Now that Apple has a new CEO, it’s no longer “Steve Jobs wouldn’t have allowed this.” It’s now “Tim Cook wouldn’t have allowed this.” Good luck to John Ternus.
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The iPhone Duo was designed for right-handed users. If you’re left-handed, we suggest you become right-handed.
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We made the iPhone 17 Pro bright orange so that we can easily identify those who haven’t upgraded to the iPhone 18 Pro.
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If you don’t adapt your iOS app to the iPhone Duo, we’re going to increase your App Store tax from 30% to 65%.
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Incredibly proud of John Ternus for increasing the price of the new iPhone. He’s going to be a great CEO.
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Even though it’s my last day as CEO, I will remain on the board to ensure that Apple continues to raise its prices, regardless of who the CEO is.
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Apple’s global water consumption will increase due to the AI-powered features in iOS 27. We therefore ask you, our loyal customers, to drink less water to offset our increased consumption.
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If you’re wondering why there isn’t a black iPhone 17 Pro, it’s because we plan on releasing in 6 months to boost our stagnant sales.
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I can’t remember the last time I blinked in one of our videos.
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The only reason we listened to you all and made a matte black MacBook Pro after all these years is because we’re desperate and under pressure from the shareholders to increase our lacklustre Mac sales.
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I’m bored of Apple.
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I’m financially ruined.
Mark Gurman
@markgurman12 Jan 2023
Apple CEO Tim Cook’s pay will fall over 40% in 2023 (from $99.4 million to $49 million) after shareholder feedback and a recommendation from Cook after that feedback. bloomberg.com/news/articles/….

Apple’s Tim Cook Takes Rare CEO Pay Cut After Pushback

Apple Inc. is cutting Chief Executive Officer Tim Cook’s compensation by more than 40% to $49 million in 2023, citing investor guidance and a request from Cook himself to adjust his pay.

bloomberg.com
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We sell the same shit every year. Even I can’t tell whether these phones are from this year or last year…
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Are parody accounts allowed, or not? Asking for a friend.
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It’s my birthday, so do me a favor and buy all of our products to give Apple stock a boost.
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